By Sejal Shah | Posted: July 29, 2019

Insecurity makes one defensive and this tendency to be defensive blocks one from blossoming. ~ Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar

Insecurity is something that we all have experienced sometimes. Even the most confident person feels insecure about something or the other. Insecurity is an inner feeling that arises from a sense of being threatened and/or inadequate in some way. Though it is natural to have feelings of self-doubt once in a while, chronic sense of insecurity can be quite damaging to your relationships, particularly intimate ones, and can also affect your professional success . Constant feelings of insecurity can deprive you of stability and peace, and prevent you from being authentic and spontaneous in your relationships. 

Every rose has thorns, and so do relationships. There are bound to be ups and downs, and partners do experience a few ‘not-so-good’ phases. One problem is being insecure in a relationship. The outer expressions that come from insecurity include always looking for approval and reassurance, inferiority complex, jealousy, blaming, policing, being nosy, etc. These can be very irritating, intimidating, and even saddening at times and can push your partner away. Feelings of insecurity lead to fights, distrust, and uneasiness that strains the relationship for both the individuals. 

Seeds of insecurity

What causes insecurity? 

Sometimes relationships are colored by a fear of losing the other, distrustfulness, constant anxiety and too many negative emotions. These may be an indication of feelings of insecurity creeping in. Loneliness, an assumption that nobody loves you, further increases the feeling.

More often the feeling of insecurity in a relationship is a mere projection of your relationship with yourself. Feeling insecure is the result of a missing bond with yourself. There could be many reasons for this missing bond, including difficult circumstances or false assumptions. Being insecure can be a result of unpleasant past relationships, or lack of love and care during childhood that makes one lack self-esteem and confidence. Such individuals tend to continue to relate to their partner in the same patterns.

Having a strong relationship with oneself

If you don’t have a relationship with yourself, all other relationships become shallow. And if your relationship with yourself is so profound and steady, then you naturally develop the skill to handle any kind of relationship around you. ~ Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar

This is so true. Unfortunately a majority of us lack this. Once you start having an intimate and strong relationship with yourself, nothing in the world can shake you. 

3 Pillars of a secure relationship 

A relationship becomes deeper and more loving when both individuals come from a space of giving. Love, comfort, and respect are the three pillars of any relationship. If even one of these is missing, the relationship gets strained. Likewise, the more you love yourself, it will reflect that much more in your relationships.

Self love happens when there is an acceptance of oneself first. It grows when you are not judging your actions too critically or analyzing yourself constantly. Then you are not filled with guilt, fear, or anger and there is an abundance of happiness and love within. You are creating a space of giving rather than demanding, and that is a sign of a healthy and secure relationship.

Securing relations starts with self care

There are many ways of creating a sense of security. But the most empowering and potent way is practicing yoga–breathing techniques, imbibing pranayama and making meditation a part of your daily life. Such practices help one to establish a strong connection with oneself. They also help release pent-up stress, become worry-free and more positive and nurturing. You will find that you are more honest, open, and natural with people around you.

And when you find yourself being a happier, more considerate and compassionate person, you will be more joyous and loving with your partner too.

If you are wondering how to start meditation, try the breath for relaxation guided meditation.

Listen to what else Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar says about overcoming insecurity

Find your zen, be happy, and you will soon start enjoying and nurturing your relationships in ways beyond your imagination. 

Part of this blog post was originally published on Art of Living Blog, India.

Sejal Shah, E-YRT 500 Sri Sri Yoga Teacher, YACEP, Art of Living Teacher, NYU Post Graduate Medical School approved Yoga-CME retreat facilitator, Mind-Body Wellness Writer, Homeopath