Well, I’m not an expert in this. You have to ask this question to somebody who has been in many relationships and finally got someone who they are happy with. They will give you their expert advice.
One thing I would say is, if you’re looking for a partner, know that you are there to contribute to their life. If you are looking for a partner to get something out of them and they also want to get something from you, then this ‘want to get’ will pull the two of you apart. But if your whole intention is to support, guide, and contribute to the other, then you will find that such a partnership will go on forever.
It cannot be said in words, it has to be felt. You cannot describe love. You can’t say that love is endorphins or oxytocin getting produced in your body, it is something that only the heart can know; your existence can feel something different.
The funniest thing is that it is in everybody, it is in the original nature of our being and everybody has it, but it has not been uncovered.
Through higher fulfillment. It’s like, kids crave for cotton candy and chocolate, but when they grow up they automatically they have no such cravings. It just drops off. Similarly, pranayamas and a higher goal in life will help.
When you have a lot of work to do, sex is not a botheration at the time.
Just ask any student, during exam time are they bombarded with thoughts of sex? They’ll say no. For that whole month when they have to achieve something, their mind is fully focused on it. Not once the thought comes during exam time. They have a bundle of books to read and to prepare. So engaging yourself in some creative activity is helpful.
Pleasure always makes you run towards it first and then later on makes you run away from it. This is its nature. First you crave for it and you go towards it and then later on, you go away from it because it becomes too much to handle. Yoga is that which makes you centered, it stabilizes you. When you are stable and centered, if pleasure is there, you enjoy it, if it’s not there, you don’t mind it, it’s not occupying your mind. It’s not a craving that bothers you.
You are already tired of telling lies, that’s why you want to stop it. Good, so you are on the right track. A point will come when you say, ‘My god, I can’t handle any more’, because if you keep telling so many lies you’ll forget what you’ve said before. Truth is freeing and relieving, but you can’t say it to all the people at all times. You need wisdom and discrimination. There is this tendency in some parts of the world where people feel that ‘I have to be truthful, I have to tell everything’. Yet you don’t know how much truth is there in your perceptions.
I will give you an example of an incident that happened right here in the Canadian ashram. An elderly couple came here with their daughter who watched some of these shows in which a child said , ‘My father touched me here and my mother did so and so’.
Suddenly this girl had an idea that her father had touched her inappropriately when she was two years old. The parents were devastated, to the extent that the father wanted to commit suicide. And the daughter started believing this and said to her father, 'You prove to me that you haven’t done this'.
They came here, they were crying and the father was saying, ‘Would I ever even think of that?’
This is true for many people. We impose something on our conscious, our psyche and we think this has happened to us. You feel that you are a victim and you find some glory in being a victim, because the victims were glorified on TV and the young girl thought in her subconscious mind, I should also be like that.
If it really happened and the child remembers it, then it is a different issue. But imagining that things are happened to you, that too when you were two year old. How can a two year old baby remember? It has to be at least six or seven years old to remember any such thing.
It was so painful to see such a happy family completely destroyed. Our perception many times may not be correct.
Just like how a super-computer needs an air-conditioned controlled proper atmosphere, same is with our nervous system. It cannot handle anything too rajasik or too jarring. You can just try listening to some very loud music in a rock concert, just stand there for some time, you may enjoy it for five to ten minutes, but afterwards you want to run away from there. And when you come back home, your whole body may shake. How many of you have had this experience? (Many in the audience raise their hands)
See! many people. I’ve never been to any rock concert, still we rock wherever we are.
