Parenting is a sacred responsibility. Our responsibility is not just providing food, shelter, and education. We are also responsible to ensure their mental outlook, emotions, intellect, thought processes, and behavior are on the right track. This is necessary. If you are very orderly, children will make your life chaotic. Children are the best at breaking your boundaries. Your children teach you a lot that others may not be able to.
How to Be a Good Parent?
To be a good parent, the first few tips for you to do are:
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Observe Your Child’s Tendencies
Don’t try to make your child fit into your own vision. This is a big mistake many parents make. You have to share your vision with your child and dissuade them if their vision is wrong. Every child has come to this planet with certain tendencies that cannot be changed, and certain acquired talents that can be controlled. You can do a lot through modifying the acquired talents or personality of a child, but you cannot do anything about the seed that a child is born with. That will always manifest. You have to learn to distinguish between these two aspects – therein lies wisdom. And half the job is done if you can do that. The other half has to be left to the cosmos. You have no control over it.
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Be Sensitive
When parenting a child, you have to be very sensitive. This is one thing that you have to keep in mind. If you tell children not to lie, and ask them to answer a phone call saying ‘You are not at home’, this is simply not going to work.
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Protect Your Child’s Trust
Children, by nature, have a tendency to be trusting. A healthy child will have three kinds of trust – Trust in the Divinity, trust in the goodness of people around them, and trust in oneself. These three types of trusts can make a child very talented and a genius. A healthy child will not think that everybody is a thief or that everybody is bad. They don’t get into this sort of paranoia. A healthy child knows that people are good. If you keep telling your child that everyone is a cheat, the child loses its trust in the people around, and the society in general. Their personality, talents, and communication skills will shrink. Their interaction with people will suffer a great deal. They become unsuccessful business persons, unsuccessful professionals, and unsuccessful artists. If we create an atmosphere of trust and children grow in that atmosphere, they become brilliant. But, if we create an atmosphere of negativity, distrust, or dejection, they are going to reflect and bounce the same thing on us.
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Uplift their Moods at the Dining Table
When you come back from work and meet your children, the first thing you should do is clap with them, or play, or laugh. It may look a little artificial for one or two days. But later on, it will become a breakthrough for you and your kids. Sit and have food with the whole family, as much as possible, at least three to four times a week. And while having food, don’t blame them or point out their mistakes. While serving them food, don’t put down their moods. There is a time to tell them when they are wrong, never at the dining table. It is an effort to create a healthy atmosphere. When you have no control over your own moods, it is difficult to make a mood or create an atmosphere just for the sake of children. But we need to make an effort.
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Spend Quality Time with Your Kids
Don’t try to be a teacher all the time with your kids. Learn from them, respect them, and play with them. Don’t get too serious with kids. Just celebrate with them, play with them, sing with them. If you always take a stick and say don’t do this, don’t do that, it is no good. Instead, play with them more, and then you can tell them stories sometimes. It’s good to bring up children that way with values. If you tell them nice, interesting stories, they will not just glue themselves to the television and sit there all that time. That quality time of one or half an hour you spend with your kids is good enough. Don’t stifle them by sitting with them for four-five hours. Limit their television time to one hour.
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Avoid Arguments in Front of Children
Avoid arguments at all costs in front of your children. Ensure they are nowhere when you argue. Also, given their sensitive nature, they can sense there has been discord between adults, so do your best to patch up before your children are back in the same room or back home.
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Give them a Dream and Help them Walk Towards It
The whole process of parenting teaches you a lot of patience and perseverance. You have to lead your children towards where they should be going. Giving them a dream and persuading them to walk towards the dream is the biggest challenge in front of parents today. So, it is best to expose them to multifarious activities. This has to be done before a child is 10 years old. You should take your children to science and art fairs and expose them to all the faculties.
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Engage your Children in Social Service
On a Sunday, give them some chocolates and ask them to distribute them to the poorest people they can find. Once or twice a year, take them to a slum and ask them to engage in social service. This would enhance their personality in many subtle ways and make them more thankful for what they have.
Give your Children a Holistic Education
You have to expose your children to science as well as art – both sides of the brain need to be nourished. For example, a book symbolizes nourishing the left-hand-side brain whereas a musical instrument symbolizes nourishing the right-hand-side brain. The two parts of the brain have to be balanced by meditation. So, knowledge, music, and meditation – all three are required to make education complete. Only when these three are developed, can you call someone educated and civilized. So, make sure that children learn music and yoga, and have a scientific temperament.
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Encourage Your Children to Interact with All Age Groups
Observe your child’s interactions. See how they interact with those younger to themselves and how they interact with those older? Then observe how they interact with those in their own age group? These observations can reveal a lot. You can observe whether your children are developing any superiority or inferiority complexes, or whether they are becoming introverts or extroverts. And you can play a very important role here to preempt these negative traits from manifesting. Play some games with them, and encourage them to interact with all age groups.
Children who have inferiority complex would like to interact more with the younger ones and would try to run away from elder ones, and even try to avoid their equals. Children with superiority complexes shun the younger ones and would only want to relate to the older ones. They are not good communicators in either case. As parents, you can teach them communication skills early on. It is very important for them to learn how to communicate. -
Influence the Friends of your Children
Your children’s friends exert more influence over them. Think about the children in your neighborhood. If you can influence them, then you can influence your children as well. Suppose, your son or daughter’s friends have any wrong habits, you can influence them to change. They will listen to you more than their own parents.
Encourage your Children to Share
Many times, we encourage the tendency in children not to give things away and to keep things with themselves. When this goes beyond a certain limit, children feel suffocated. In time, they develop a tendency of holding back their feelings and emotions as well, which can be a hindrance to their personality. You must encourage the attitude of sharing with your children as this helps them develop a healthy personality.
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Good Parenting is Akin to Riding a Horse
When you sit on horseback, you must move with it. You have to rock with the motion otherwise your back will hurt. Sometimes you tighten the reins, sometimes loosen. It is the same with kids. Parents have to rock and swing with children, know them, and gently guide them. Put your foot down sometimes, but also give them freedom.
