Have you found yourself in situations where you want to be amicable with everyone but some people treat you badly? How do we deal with anger and hatred directed towards us?
In this world, there are all kinds of people. The good, the mediocre, and the hopeless people. You need to manage with everybody. But what do you usually do when someone behaves very rudely towards you?
- Get upset
- React rudely back
- Get frustrated
- Run away and avoid the person or situation
- Blame the person
- Preach to the person
None of these will in any way strengthen you or resolve the situation. When you don’t look within, when you are simply focusing on the behavior of others, it will definitely rattle your mind. Then when you try to correct the other person, you will be unsuccessful. The people who irritate you, bring out the best in you. They can bring out the talents and skills in you. When everyone around you is wonderful, you don’t need any skill to handle a situation. It will only happen when there are people whom you think are unreasonable.
In this article, we will go through some useful tips as revealed by Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar on how to deal with rude behavior.
Broaden Your Perception
See anybody’s rude behavior in this light:
- It indicates the intensity of their commitment
- It indicates their stress and insensitivity
- It projects the upbringing of the person
- It shows a behavioral pattern
- It shows a lack of Knowledge
- It shows a lack of observation of the mind and its sensations
- It shows you the behavior to avoid
- It is an opportunity for you to welcome and absorb the rudeness
- It strengthens your mind
- It reveals your unconditional love
Put Yourself in Their Shoes
When someone is stressed, they insult you and when someone insults you, you get disturbed. Ask yourself why they are insulting you. Either they are very good people risking their friendship with you to tell you hard truths or they are in deep pain, or have some complex. Either way, you must be compassionate to them.
Know that They will Change
Accept people the way they are and know that they will change. They may change tomorrow, next week, or next year. When you know that they are like that and that they may change, then your mind is calm. The moment deep acceptance starts coming from within, you will suddenly find that the other person also changes. It is strange but true. When we change, they also change.
Meditate and Move on
Do Sudarshan Kriya, breathe, sing, and meditate. There is no point in brooding over someone’s bad behavior. Give them some time. Educate and ignore. Ask for pardon and most people will not hold the grudge. If they do, it is only out of ignorance. Don’t waste your today on what happened yesterday. This world cannot be perfect, so broaden your vision. You cannot make everyone the way you want them to be. Unpleasant things are bound to happen. When they happen, you should have the strength and courage to move on with life.
Use Humor
When you have a little bit of humor, you can sail through irritable situations. If someone is rude or angry, just watch and have fun. If it is unbearable, never mind. You can get angry too. But you should soon become normal again. It’s not worth losing our peace of mind because of someone’s behavior.
Smile Back
Next time someone is rude to you, just give back a broad smile. If you can digest their rudeness, nothing whatsoever can shake you.
However, sometimes it becomes necessary to make people realize their rude behavior.
How to Make Someone Know that They are Rude?
If somebody is being rude to you repeatedly or they are bullying you, make them realize their mistake with the techniques of Saam, Daan, Bheda, and Danda. Let us know what they are.
1. Saam: Communicate Gently
Many people commit mistakes unknowingly. Most of them will not repeat it the next time once they understand that they are making a mistake. So, the first step is gentle communication. This is called Saam. If you start off with a stick, it is not right. If you create guilt within them by blaming them at the very first instance, then they will not improve their ways. They will never be able to gain awareness and overcome their wrong ways.
2. Daan : Request Garnestly
Even after explaining a mistake, if a person goes on repeating it, the next approach would be to forgive them and request them not to do it again. This is Daan.
3. Bheda : Be Indifferent
Suppose even after doing all this, they continue to be rude, then you need to adopt the approach of Bheda – having an attitude of indifference towards that person. Then you tell them, “Okay since you continue to repeat this mistake even after my telling you so many times, I am not going to behave the same way with you anymore.” This will make them feel a pinch of guilt about what they have done, and they will understand their mistake.
4. Danda : Strike a Ramban
Danda is the last measure one needs to adopt. When someone does not listen even after doing everything, then you need to pick up a stick to make them understand. Someone who does not improve their ways even after explaining, requesting, and being treated indifferently, will only understand through punishment. If someone says something nasty to you, you also can say something back. You don’t have to use bad language. Just say one word and they should mull on that for days. That is called Ramban (the arrow of Lord Rama).
You must first take the harmonious path, then give a chance, then discriminate, and finally when nothing works, take firm action. These are the four skillful ways to handle any situation. If none of these four works, then pray for wisdom to dawn on that person and leave it to God!
