Mind is that which perceives. See, 'you are looking at me' is through the mind. If mind is elsewhere, you can’t see me, right? If you’re not paying attention, if you’re not being mindful, you can’t hear what I’m saying. When mind is elsewhere, can you hear what I’m saying? No, right? Though the sound is falling on the ears, if mind is elsewhere, you cannot hear. So our perception depends on the mind. But the totality of energy is what the soul, or you, are.
Well, you’re asking the wrong person. I have no experience in this. But still I would say, you need to accept the differences, and not insist on others changing to your way at once. You can only suggest your way to others, but not insist on it with your spouse.
I usually say there are four secrets to a successful relationship:
1. A woman should never step on the ego of a man - this is very important. A woman should always pump the ego of the man.
2. A man should not step on the emotions of a woman. He should always nurture the emotions of the woman.
3. Both of them should not ask each other, “Do you really love me?” Stop asking, “Do you really love me?” Or complaining, “You don’t love me these days, you don’t pay attention to me". Don’t put the burden of proof on your beloved. They shouldn’t feel burdened to establish their love for you.
4. You be you. Walk your way, with a goal in hand. Otherwise, if you’re focusing your attention on policing your spouse, you’re going to spoil the relationship. This is what happens. You love someone very much, you want to know everything about them and you start policing them, and start asking them a million questions. And they get sick and tired of it, feel strangled and say bye to you.
It’s not just some misunderstanding. It’s too much expression of one’s love, or possessiveness which is like a burden on the spouse. You should give some breathing space to each other.
Take it for granted that there is understanding. Don’t question each other’s love or understanding. This is very important.
I don’t know about it. But remember you are all born from sex. We have a tendency of saying it is bad or a sin, or on the other side you indulge in it too much. You must walk the middle path. Moderation in everything. Life should have moderation.
Sex is an act to bring the mind to the present moment. And there is expenditure there. It is not just the body that is there, it is the movement of energy within you that gives you a sense of relief or ecstasy.
Like, smokers feel a sense of relaxation when they smoke. It is not the smoke that is elevating you, it is the way you breathe, in a particular pattern that elevates you. A particular channel - what we call nadi – opens up. It brings a little relaxation.
When you do breathing exercise (pranayama), the same thing happens. A certain nadi opens up inside of you, and you feel relaxed, without the harming affect of the smoke that you fill in your lungs. You don’t need to do that.
So with sex also, an energy channel opens. When this energy channel opens up within you, it brings a certain relaxation first, and then you to have a scintillating heightened blissful sensation. This one can get in meditation also.
So in the ancient times, they have measured Samadhi or deep meditation as 1000 units of sex -- if sex brings one unit of joy, Samadhi is 1000 units of that. If sex is one little bulb of zero watt, Samadhi is a thousand watt bulb. That is the comparison they have given. That is why when you are in Samadhi, you naturally move out of the base tendencies. You naturally get transformed.
Now tell me, by being angry, does it solve the problem? No. It will only enhance the problem. So that is where we need to work together. Alone you cannot do anything. Alone you will feel very helpless. But as a community, as a group of individuals who want peace, who want progress in society, who want happiness, we can work together. We can achieve that goal.
You know, when there were problems in Baltimore and Washington DC., some of our volunteers got together and reached out to the community. They spoke to them and taught them meditation. Similar efforts have been put in other places too.
So like that, there are so many opportunities for everyone of us to come together and work as a group. We can bring harmony and peace in society. That is possible. Don’t lose hope.
First of all, there is a mantra for depression. You want to know how to get depressed? Sit and think about, 'What about me? What about me? What about me?' You will get depressed. When you come out of that, and see, What is it I can do, how I can contribute? You will have no time to sit and brood over yourself.
So, service activities is one thing. Then of course practice meditation and listen to knowledge. I have made number of knowledge series. All of this will definitely uplift you. If you have any doubt about it, just for sometime stop everything and see what happens. Just one week don’t do any breathing exercises, or any meditation and see what happens. Then you will know the effectiveness of what you’re doing, and how it is saving you from drowning into depression.
