By Shalini Parekh┃Posted: June 11, 2019

My father was spare with his words. Most of his ideas—he held a deep philosophy and worldview—could be distilled into one or two words or phrases. The narrative of his life, the trajectory of our life, and his value system could be easily summed up: He prayed that we be wise. Not just educated or healthy or happy, but WISE.

I now realize how we unconsciously emulate our parents. This became important to me: The quality of my perception. I remember in all our comings and going—leaving to go to college, travels to another town or country—he would bless my siblings and I, with the blessings of good sense or wisdom, or sadbuddhi in Sanskrit. Loosely translated, sadbuddhi means “may your perception and wisdom guide you.” When I look back, that is the single biggest gift he gave us.

“Our experience of the world is based on perception,” points out humanitarian leader Sri Sri Ravi Shankar. “Experiences are all perception. The experiencer is the only reality. Look for the seer, the experiencer, between all realities.”

Consider the space we give in our own life for the right perception. What I know in my bones today as ideas of existential value were not the words my father said, but the conviction that carried those values. How much he had pondered the idea of the purpose of life, and what he wished for those he loved the most: wisdom. As teenagers, we took it lightly, and as a parent, I was too rushed to think about his legacy. Perhaps my sense of purpose was fragmented. I wish I knew then about the precious role intuition and perception play in the development of a child, as do the inculcation of human values.

Yes, he was a person of faith. Faith in the beauty of existence and above all, in himself. Not in a way that is egocentric, but a solidity of faith—unwavering and unflinching even in the toughest of times. When we live a life with a deep conviction of our own place in the universe and an understanding of what fuels us with purpose and wisdom, then we have given our kids a precious, invaluable legacy. After all, if we do not have faith in ourselves, then what do we have faith in?

My own son had a Buddha moment in writing for a high school paper. He said, “When I was cut off by an irate driver, I knew that my mom would react with compassion rather than anger. I knew I should immediately understand that maybe this guy was having a bad day.” He later told me he didn’t need to think about it, it was a natural and immediate conclusion.

5 Thoughts on Parenting With Faith

 

Faith is not something external

If one imagines that faith is guided by an ideology or even a religion, then our perception is misguided. When our actions are guided by gratitude and mindfulness, it has an impact far beyond words. How we perceive, our awareness of our patterns of perceptions, can singularly affect our actions. It is an inner conviction that guides us and demonstrates to our family how our belief in ourselves is unflinching--not dependent on what others may consider right or wrong. It is a knowing. It is a legacy that transforms beyond words.

Faith is wise and brings wellbeing

The wellbeing of our loved ones is more dependent on our perception of happiness and sadness than on the actual circumstance. No single word is more loosely used than happiness, and no other word so filled with judgment. The right perception colors happiness more strongly and contributes to a sustained sense of well being. Wrong perception or lack of wisdom can make an otherwise happy circumstance filled with unhappiness. Faith also cultivates a new relationship with “happy”. When you realize that real happiness is in recognizing that pain and pleasure are two sides of the same coin, in the space of the mind that is equanimous. That we invite the wisdom of equanimity to guide our perception. Meditation is our bridge to this wondrous state of perception. Our children perceive this more than we can imagine.

Faith brings confidence

Someone asked renowned spiritual leader Sri Sri Ravi Shankar, “What is the difference between faith and confidence?”. His answer: “Confidence is the result. Faith is the beginning. If you think, by having faith in God you are doing a favor to God, you are mistaken. Faith gives you strength instantaneously. Faith brings you stability, centeredness, calmness, and love.” In a climate of fear, faith grounds us with clarity, purpose and empathy. The result — our children resonate this confidence. Courage to handle the vagaries of life is also imbued with the values of faith.

The greatest gift you can give to your children is your faith in yourself

This insight provides us with boundless confidence. In a world seized by fear, faith is the language of wisdom. As paradoxical as it may sound, faith invites some ‘I don’t know’ moments that broaden our vision. Only the confident can be comfortable indulging these “I don’t know” moments. When we meditate or pray, we open our horizons to a greater knowing that informs our perception. Undoubtedly, this impacts the family as a whole. Sitting every day for some moments of dispassion to invite ‘I don’t know’ into our life is an act of supreme faith.

Faith propels us toward right action

People of faith are usually people with principles and values. Irrespective of the space of the origin of ideas, they are driven by doing the right thing. Look around you. The path of dharma or right action is one of faith. All acts of negativity or violence are based in a lack of purpose or poor perception or judgment. Faith is the guiding light of wisdom or devotion in our lives. It is action tempered with beauty and joy. Children are naturally service-minded. They derive deep pleasure in making others happy with little drawings or acts of love. Their devotion is not cynical or measured. As adults we can nurture this spirit by honoring it first in ourselves and also in our loved ones.

Writer Chitra Subramanian says, “Faith. If you do not have faith in yourself to begin with, how can you speak about faith or absence of it amongst others? By faith I mean faith in one’s work, in one’s relationship, religion, method of work, relationships – whatever brings out the best in you as a human being. That is principled faith, unshakeable in its direction and unflinching in devotion. Dissonance in devotion is as jarring as strumming an untuned guitar.

“A life without principles means you are all things to all people, therefore nothing to anyone.”

Looking back, my father’s faith dwelled in his look, in his smile, the inflection in his voice, his clarity of perception, and above all, in his actions that spoke the loudest when no one was looking. Those qualities make my life truly abundant even today. Indeed, Sri Sri Ravi Shankar puts it simply: “Faith is your Wealth.”

Shalini Parekh has taught yoga in the Chicago area for almost 20 years. She is dedicated to the yogic wisdom that is reflected in the intelligence of the body informed by the philosophy of yoga and its sister science of Ayurveda. She is also a journalist and writes about issues of identity, culture and politics -- and says she is only just beginning to notice the spaces one inhabits are a sum of many intangibles.