By Elizabeth Herman | Posted: November 26, 2019
“Self-pity is bad on the spiritual path. Do not pity yourself and do not pity anybody else also.”
-- Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar
While it may be true that many unwanted events have impacted our lives, those events won’t control us forever. At some point, the source of our power goes beyond the traumatic happenings that we spend so much time recovering from, and it also transcends our mistaken beliefs that we have any control. Therefore, we can stop blaming and pitying others as well as ourselves for the imperfections we experience in life, and we can relax and care for ourselves and others, creating contentment and attracting confident, happy people.
In fact, Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar, founder of the Art of Living Foundation, asks us to go beyond the need to think we can ever be in control, and to accept and embrace true surrender and relaxation: “Do you think you are in control of all the events in your life, in the world, or in the universe? That is a joke! When you look at things from this angle, you need not be afraid of losing control, because you have none to lose. Whether you realize it or not, only when you truly relax can you let go of your sense of control.”
Traumatic events happen to everyone. But adopting a victim mentality only perpetuates the trauma, and thinking we have control only frustrates our ability to access an unchanging source of empowerment. Taking responsibility for our lives means willingly caring for ourselves and others, and becoming content and forgiving, despite our own and others’ limitations and faults. Responsibility and surrender are closely related, and both can be easier to enact with a few simple practices.
Volunteer work
Evidence in favor of the healing power of volunteer work keeps accumulating. Kaleigh Rogers tells the story of her own experience working with horses in a therapeutic riding program for children with disabilities: “When I finish a volunteering session, my muscles are more relaxed, as is my breathing. My mind is also not whirring with worry the way it usually does, and I feel energized to take on the rest of the day.” A more relaxed, confident feeling comes from volunteer work than it does from regular, stressful, paid work, so take some time for it!! The people you meet during your volunteer hours will be happy to see you, confident, and fun to be around, since you’re helping them out, no strings attached, and they’re also engaged in a cause for which you have enthusiasm.
Meditation
With meditation, you contact something constant within you, an unchanging reality that is love. Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar says, “Know that you love everyone and everyone loves you and never doubt in the love. It’s something like space. It cannot diminish, it cannot go away. That’s true love. Don’t waste your precious life in all the unwanted thoughts of your mind.” By taking time to meditate, unwanted thoughts become irrelevant, because you rest so deeply from them. The effortlessness of meditation helps you see that nothing can victimize you when you gain awareness of your connection with unchanging love.
Gratitude journal
When you write down all the reasons you have to be thankful, it’s like celebrating the Thanksgiving holiday throughout the whole year. It reminds you to celebrate the abundance in your life, and thus gives you a sense that your life is still good despite any misfortune. Gregory L. Jantz, PhD asserts, “Practicing gratefulness can cause almost an immediate shift in your perspective. Keeping a daily gratitude journal, even digitally, can help remind you to keep life’s blessings at the forefront of your mind. Another strategy is to have a gratitude partner—someone who can support you in your journey to positive thinking. Each day, text, email or tell each other three things for which you are grateful.”
Fresh, healthy food
The quality of your food will impact the quality of your thoughts and therefore, the quality of your mind. When I eat fresh fruits, whole grains, seeds, nuts, legumes, and vegetables in delicious, balanced, vegetarian and vegan dishes, I notice the immeasurable improvements in my attitudes about life. In 2006, after visiting the Art of Living Ashram in Canada, I felt for several weeks the lightness and freedom of maintaining a meat free diet, and stayed with it ever since. The effects are physical, mental, emotional, and environmental, and you can tangibly feel the difference once you make the switch from non veg to vegetarian or vegan.
Self care
“You feel so much better about yourself even if you only take personal responsibility for your own life for a day. This is also a way to stop relying on external validation like praise from other people to feel good about yourself,” says Henrik Edberg. This also includes getting enough sleep, eating 3 full meals a day on the same time schedule each day, drinking plenty of room temperature plain water, exercising daily, giving yourself massages, taking regular vacations, saying ‘no’ to too many commitments, practicing good time management, treating yourself occasionally, keeping in touch with loved ones, etc. By making yourself the source of love, praise and care, you realize that the world isn’t to blame, and neither are you, but that you can rejoice in the potential for happiness that will always be there for you.
It has taken me many years of caring for myself to work my way out of a victim mentality, but the effort has been well worth it. I wish you the best on empowering and healing your own mind and spirit, via natural, sensible methods that will pay you great health and happiness dividends in the long run. Although the process can be painful at times and there will be occasional back sliding, your commitment to your own life will transform your role in relationships into that of a strong, confident, and joyful survivor.
Elizabeth Herman writes, offers writing support to clients, teaches, and volunteers for a better world. She has a PhD in Rhetoric, Composition and Literature. Find her on Facebook or Twitter.
