Question & Answers with Sri Sri Ravi Shankar
What is Love? - 12 July 2012 - QA 3
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
The basis of all existence. All the cells in your body love each other, that is why they are together. The day they stop loving each other, it all disintegrates. Got it?
If there is one substances by which everything is held together and you want to give it a name, you can call it love. It is the basis of all existence. All the cells in your body love each other, that is why they are together. The day they stop loving each other, it all disintegrates.
Love is not all wiggly wiggly and mushy mushy, "Oh I can’t live without you, I love you so much", and so on. It is not that. That is just an emotional something. Love means (silence)… that is it.
Love is indescribable. You can’t describe it. And there is not a creature on this planet who doesn’t know it. From the insect to the lion, from a chicken to an enlightened person, everybody has experienced love. Love for life is what we think it is, but life itself is love. So see, through this knowledge, that the whole universe is love.
Love is not just an emotion, it is your very existence. The earth loves the sun, that is why it keeps going around the sun. The moon loves the earth, that is why the moon goes around the earth. Wherever there is a force, or there is energy, or a pull, or attraction, you call it love. And where there is repulsion that is also love in the opposite direction.
Why are you are drawn to somebody or something? It is because you love them. You see a cheesecake and you are drawn to it; you experience a pull, isn't it? You see a beautiful girl, or a girl sees a beautiful boy, there is a pull, and what do you call that? You call it love! Why? Because there is a pull, there is an attraction, there is a force. And that force is what manages the whole universe
Some places it is more obvious and some other places it is not obvious. The day the earth stops loving you, you will start flying. The earth loves you so much that the gravitational force keeps you glued to the earth. So love is that force in human life.
All the negative emotions are just a distorted form of love. In anger there is love. Ask me how? You love perfection and that is why you get angry. Greed is love. Greed is when you love something much more than life. When you love objects more than life, it is called greed. Hatred is love upside down. Fear is love upside down.
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
If you express your feelings, you will ruin it. You don't need to tell somebody that you love them. If they are sensitive, they can feel it. Once you tell them your feelings, it changes everything. Your existence is love. You breathe and there is love. Real intimacy is knowing that you are already intimate and relaxing about it, never trying to convince the other that you are intimate, never trying to express yourself too much. So simply smile, and allow them to become intimate by themselves. It’s natural when you feel intimate that you want a response from the other person, you would like the other person to feel intimate too. Let them take their time. Don't be in a hurry to express your intimacy.Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
When there are two lines which run parallel, they go on forever together, but when they are focussed on each other, they cross and go away from each other. The same is true with relationships. When both partners have a common goal in life and are focussed on it, then their relationship lasts longer and with more harmony. When they are focussed on each other and they pick on each other this is when all the fights begin. If you can accept all the fights, the misunderstandings, the differences and move on, then you move together.Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
When someone is cheating on you and their mind is going towards someone else, what do you do? Just pray, have patience and understand their mind. Give them three warnings, and even then if they don’t listen, then take some drastic steps.Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
Time will tell. Always know that there is a sense of sacrifice in love, while attachment only brings misery. In the name of love, if you fall into an infatuation or attachment, then you will only get misery. But in true love, even sacrifice brings contentment. Love brings sacrifice and contentment, while attachment and feverishness can only bring misery.Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
See, there are different ways of saying and expressing love. Just find a way that suits you and say it. If you cannot say it in words, then express it by making some hand gestures. Or you can write it and give it to her. You can send her a text message. Nowadays you do not even have to write complete words in the text message. Just sending those emoticons does the job! So just send those to her, one in the morning, one in the afternoon and one in the evening. See, it is our duty to try and keep everyone happy. Whether they choose to be happy or not is up to them. Some people will not believe it, even if you express. After receiving your text they might ask, "Do you really mean what you sent?" The mind is really very mysterious. Love is said to be Anirvachaniya (that which is beyond words, or cannot be expressed completely through words). You go ahead and do it!Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
I would say, ask yourself, have you given your 100% to the relationship. If you feel that you haven’t, then give it another try. And not just for one or two months, give it enough time, and give enough space for the other person to grow to your level, or for you to grow to their level. If it doesn’t work and if it is still only a struggle with no hope of some pleasure or some joy, it is better you go your way and still be friends, rather than making things very sour. Don’t waste your life; move on! There are so many things to do in life besides a relationship, so don’t get stuck.Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
Best not to try to build a relationship, just be yourself; be natural and be simple and a relationship will develop naturally.If you try to build a relationship, that is when you become a little artificial. Then your behavior becomes artificial, not natural. Just imagine someone is trying to impress you, don’t you notice that? If someone is trying to impress you, what do you do? You move away. What you like, that is what others like as well. You like someone to be very honest, open, natural, unassuming with you, correct? That is exactly what the other also wants from you. Don’t try hard to impress your girlfriend or boyfriend. Best is to be yourself, be forgiving and be in the present moment.Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
Look, you have made this relationship, so now give your 100% and see. Otherwise you will only keep dreaming. If a husband thinks that 'I did not get the kind of wife I wanted', and the wife thinks that 'I didn’t get the kind of husband I wanted', then both are going in different directions. This one relationship alone is not life; besides this there is so much to do in this world. So settle this one issue completely and move on. You should think what I can do for this world, what I can do for the people around me, how much knowledge can I attain, and how much love can I give to others, instead of getting stuck from one relationship to another. You didn’t like one relationship so you went to the second one, then third one. There is no point in being a rolling stone. There is nothing called a perfect match. Whatever match you have gotten, you should be happy and move on with it. One area of your life is settled, so now move forward. No point of jumping from one relationship to another. An elderly lady is Canada once said to me, "Gurudev, you know that my husband is a very tough man and I have to manage him. I thought I would leave, but then I thought, if I don’t know how to row one boat then I cannot row the other boat as well. So, if you don’t know how to row one boat, changing the boat is not going to help you.Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:
You have already come out of it! When you want to come out of it, it is already done, isn't it? The main thing is to relate yourself to the divinity. If you have a relationship with the divine, you have a relationship with everyone. Then the question of establishing or breaking a relationship with anyone does not arise. In attempting to break also, one may get stuck badly. The more the mind tries to break away the more it gets pulled towards the relationship, and experiences pain. You neither want to stay nor leave. In leaving one feels as though some comfort is being lost, and in staying, the pain gets too intense and it is hard to stay on. So it is better to secure a relationship with the divine. This way, relationships with everyone else are automatically established.