Have you noticed when you find something beautiful, or when you love something? You want to hold on to it and possess it. Trying to possess love robs the beauty in love and makes love ugly. Then, that same love gives you pain.
Whenever you love somebody, you try to dictate terms to them. In a subtle way, you try to control them. Whatever you try to control, hold on to, or manipulate, turns ugly, because the little ‘I’ in us – I,I,I, - itself is ugly. When you possess something, your love is lost. Hasn’t this been the case?
It starts in childhood with the relationship with mother, ‘Love me and me alone.’ It’s a deep sanskara (past impression). We don’t want to lose somebody we love. Love that has a fear of losing somebody or something doesn’t blossom. It becomes ugly, and jealousy comes. We never love something that is big, that is enormous. As long as you stay small, there is no joy, happiness, or peace. Joy is an expansion, becoming big in your heart. This can only happen in a situation where you are in so much love but you cannot possess it.
You can love a Guru, but you cannot possess a Guru. Having a Guru does something good for you, because you have never loved something and not possessed it. In a Guru, you can experience that love, but you cannot hold on to it. Your mind cannot possess it. Because you are not used to that type of love, your mind may undergo a little strain or frustration in the process. It’s like ‘sour grapes.’ The tendency may be to run away and withdraw. But that doesn’t lead you anywhere either. You came to swim, but instead you wet your feet and then went back, withdrew. You need to learn a new way to love and still be centered. And that is what happens here.
Loving the Guru is the first step. God is so general, so universal, belonging to everybody, the whole creation all the time. You don’t love public places. However, through a Guru there is personal connection, and that bond is infinite. It’s the bridge, because, before you have known only personal connections.
The Guru breaks the pattern of possessing love. Whenever you seem to be dictating terms or becoming possessive, He will do the complete opposite – tighten the screw or loosen the screw, as it is needed. At the same time, a Guru is not doing anything. It is just happening through Him. It is happening through the Big Mind. There is no pre-conceived plan of action. Actions are spontaneous.
Don’t make the Guru-disciple relationship into just another relationship, like father, brother, sister, wife or friend. It’s not like any other relationship. Otherwise, you will get into the same type of possessive attitude.