By Elizabeth Herman| Posted: May 23, 2019
As most of us learn when we’re teenagers, growing up fast in this culture, heartbreak is no fun.
If you’ve been through it, you’ll know how it feels when the whole world loses its charm. The rose just doesn’t smell as sweet anymore. It feels as though you’re lugging a heavy suitcase around, one that’s chained to your neck. The neighborhood you used to enjoy seems gloomy and hopeless. You may even feel physically ill, as feelings of desolation surround you.
It might have been a necessary, sensible, and right decision, but breakups are never easy. Even if they’re mutual, they feel awful. Inevitably, you’re left with feelings of failure, inadequacy, and depression. In fact, studies by U.S. researchers have shown that symptoms of grief after losses of loved ones from death are similar to those of individuals going through romantic loss.
This is why it’s important to know how to deal with breakups, so you’ll know how to swim to the top when you hit rock-bottom.
How to deal with loss and move on
1. Vent and reinvent
Bottling your feelings is a definite no-no. Allow yourself to let go. Some people talk it out, and some write diaries. Do whatever helps you get that feeling of dejection out of your system. Once you’ve released yourself from the shackles of negativity, find a way to reinvent yourself. Get a new haircut or explore a new hobby. These symbolic changes will help you look at yourself in a new and promising light.
2. Eat right, feel light
Gorging on sweets and fried items is often the first recourse when depression sets in. It may seem helpful, but sadly, it isn’t. As tempting as it may appear, comfort eating is detrimental even in the short run, and won’t help you get over a breakup. You gorge, gain weight, and then you feel heavy and depressed. It’s a vicious cycle. Stop the wheel before it turns at all, or better yet, change its course.
It may seem difficult and unappealing, but eating a balanced diet is a sure way to help yourself feel better. Fresh food can bring a fresh perspective. It makes you feel cleaner and more energetic, inside and out. This makes it easier to want to move on.
3. Focus on the now
Resist the urge to revisit every mistake and hurtful remark made in the relationship. It’s natural to feel regret and wish things had turned out differently. However, beware! There’s no end to this line of thinking. Perhaps your relationship had run its course and its time had come. Accept it. Focus on the now.
Meditation can be tremendously useful for this purpose. It uplifts your spirit and rejuvenates your body, mind, and soul. Most importantly, it teaches you to let the past go and allow the future to unfold in its own time. Meditation helps you unwrap the only gift before you: the present.
4. The more, the merrier
Mutual friends may mean well, but talking to them about a failed relationship can be regressive and unproductive. They may not be able to come up with ideas on how to get over your ex. Widen your circle of friends and acquaintances. Fresh faces can lead to new conversations. You’ll be able to discuss vastly different subjects without making special effort. A change of subject can change your thinking. This will help you move on to bigger, more positive aspects of your life.
5. Alone ≠ lonely
The most difficult thing about getting over a breakup is facing the lonely alternative. You feel alone. You believe that you’re alone. However, this isn’t a bad thing. You may feel that you’ll never learn how to get over your ex. Although he/she may have seemed perfect, that’s not the only perfection you can aspire to in your life.
With every move, life opens up a world of possibilities for you. There’s a host of experiences waiting for you to live them. Don’t be afraid to be on your own. The greatest learning happens when you walk the road alone. So, enjoy the challenge and rejoice in your own company.
How to find the silver lining of every cloud
Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar, founder of the Art of Living Foundation, says, “When milk goes bad, it becomes curds. When curds break, they become butter; when butter breaks, it becomes ghee (clarified butter). Similarly, after every breakup, something good arises.”
It isn’t uncommon to go back and forth with your feelings. Just when you think you’re making progress and getting over a relationship, a small reminder will take you back in time. This will make you question all the progress you thought you made. You might not believe in your ability to move on, but even this temporary regression is part of the process. It will eventually vanish, and you’ll be able to go on with life one day. Believe in the inevitability of this truth.
Here are some additional quick tips to get over your ex:
- Accept sadness as a natural part of the healing process.
- Don’t downplay or deny the happy times that you spent in the relationship. Preserve the good memories.
- Don’t set limits on how long it takes you to get over your ex. Everything operates in its own time. Mending a broken heart can’t have a deadline.
- Don’t dwell on the past. Stay active and engaged.
- Surround yourself with new, positive friends, good books, and constructive hobbies.
- Pay attention to your diet and follow healthy food habits.
- Include exercise in your daily regimen. Go for a nature walk to clear your head.
- Find inner peace with healthy practices such as yoga and meditation.
Along with all of the advice in this article, courses from Art of Living contain practical experience in putting many of these principles into action. You might want to seek out programs that will help you reinforce your healthy habits, and they’ll get you to talk to others about your circumstances, as well. The resources in your community should put you on a good footing for moving on from former relationships.
Part of this article was previously published on Art of Living, India.
By Elizabeth Herman - PhD in English, with concentrations in Rhetoric and Composition, and Literature, she offers writing support to clients, teaches locally, lives in Boone, NC, and volunteers for a better world.
