By Nikita Singh┃Posted: January 02, 2019
“I just want to be happy.”
How many times have you said this to yourself? How often have you found yourself feeling dissatisfied, wondering what you can do to turn things around?
For a few moments, close your eyes, and observe your thoughts.
‘Want’ related thoughts
You’ll realize that most thoughts are related to ‘wanting’ something – achieving certain outcomes, having more or doing more of something. We have approximately 60,000 thoughts a day -- if even a quarter of these is related to ‘wanting’ something, on average we would have 10 ‘want’ related thoughts per minute! With this rush of thoughts about wanting more or not having enough, how can we be happy?
During a recent career transition, I learned something simple yet powerful: practicing contentment.
A few months ago, as I moved out of 24/7, always-on-the-go consulting work to part-time consulting and doing my own work of well-being coaching, I was sure I had made the best decision. All my desires about wanting some more time to pursue life outside of work would now be a reality.
However, I didn’t realize that a career transition doesn’t automatically mean a change in one’s inherent personality. In fact, just when I got what I wanted, I felt caught up in wanting more. For example, a rush of thoughts came, such as, “I need to figure out my next steps soon,” “I need to be quicker,“ “I want x clients in the next 2 months,” “But am I really good enough to do this?” etc.
Fortunately, my yoga practice taught me one of my most important life lessons – no success, no happiness and no feeling of well-being is possible if I’m dissatisfied with who I am, what I have, and where I am in the present moment!
In fact, the Bhagavad Gita, an ancient Indian scripture, says, ‘Yadrccha-labha-santusto Dvandvatito Vimatsarah’ – whatever is coming to you, you should have some level of contentment, without envying others or being upset with failure. With this contentment comes gratitude, and with gratitude, comes abundance!
Reasons to practice contentment
However, being content does not in any way mean compromising one’s ambition. Neither does it mean letting go of one’s perseverance and grit to achieve. It only means being satisfied at all times, despite knowing there may be a long way to go.
So, why is practicing contentment so important?
1) Contentment is the shortcut to resilience: Every organization, CEO, school principal, and parent is talking about cultivating resilience. It’s the latest buzzword, and considered to be critical to success. To be resilient is to successfully cope with and manage our everyday stressors.
However, what has worked for me most (and I say this knowing that I’m definitely on the lower end of the resilience scale) is practicing contentment. Knowing that there’s a challenge, yet being satisfied with the situation. Knowing things will be tough, yet feeling that whatever I need will come to me at the right time.
The good news is that contentment isn’t an inherent personality trait; in many ways it’s a choice or a habit. Once cultivated, it can help us grow in resilience.
2) Contentment induces relaxation even in activity: In the quest of always wanting, or thinking about what’s lacking, we unknowingly upset our entire physiology. Our sympathetic nervous system (the driver of activity) is on overdrive, and the parasympathetic nervous system is slow, which invariably leads to high stress levels. This stress leads to secretion of cortisol and adrenaline, which then upsets the functioning of our body (e.g.: slower digestion, excess blood sugar levels and so on).
These reactions demonstrate why most 21st-century health conditions are born in the mind and manifest in the body! By practicing contentment despite having a lot to achieve, we automatically maintain the physiological balance of our body and thereby our mind, which induces relaxation.
3) Contentment helps us accept others: In many ways, being content is about accepting oneself or one’s situation. It’s also about knowing how to empathize with our own self when needed.
On closely observing my thoughts and feelings, I’ve realized that when I demand more from myself, I’m also demanding more from those around me. However, when I know I need to get better/do more, but also feel satisfied with the progress I’ve made, I automatically do the same with others.
In other words, practicing contentment about myself helps me to accept, empathize, and exude warmth towards others!! Now, just imagine how important this could be at the workplace – to embrace diversity – not only cultural, but also cognitive diversity, to demonstrate good interpersonal skills, and to maintain/develop harmonious working relationships with others!
Some ways to cultivate contentment
Gratitude, no matter what: When you find yourself feeling a sense of lack, take a moment to count all the good things in your life: a healthy body, your breath, your home, your family and so many other things that we take for granted so often!
Breathe (literally): five minutes of deep breathing or gratitude/contentment meditation stops the rush of adrenaline and cortisol, and begins the outpour of serotonin, which is pretty much all we need to feel relaxed (without letting go of the drive to achieve)!
Know what success means to you: In our media-saturated world today, it’s hard not to get caught up in the latest success stories or trends. We’re bombarded with stories of what “success” looks like. This stuff isn’t all bad – it’s inspiring on many levels. However, your version of success should be as unique as you are. Achieving someone else’s version of success may make us popular or give us more money or fame, but it probably isn’t going to lead to contentment.
Tell people (including yourself) that you appreciate them: Often our discontentment stems from what we don’t like about someone, or how we wish an individual behaved differently. However, the very same individual also has a lot of positive qualities. Consciously looking at the positives and expressing them will make others feel good, and gives us a sense of balance, optimism, and contentedness.
Practice Karma Yoga: This can have two interpretations in today’s day and age. First, have faith that the right process will bring only the best result, while letting go of attachment to final outcomes. Second, help others without expecting anything in return. Helping others also makes one feel better about oneself, which automatically leads to a sense of contentedness.
Know the impermanence of life: Knowing that everything will change, a lot of what we have is perishable, and in the end what will matter is only how much wisdom we’ve received and how much love we’ve shared, is a quick fix to calm the mind and become contented. However, balancing this with everyday activity, not letting go of the drive to succeed, is important.
With this, I wish you all a happy, contented and productive week!
This article was originally published on The Thrive Global Community and is re-posted here with the author’s permission.
Nikita Singh, an organizational psychologist, a certified health & wellness coach and leadership consultant, founder of The Human Prism, has worked internationally in diverse industries with a keen interest in holistic, individual development.
