By Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar┃Posted: July 21, 2018

The king and the astrologer

I want to tell you a story!

Once, an astrologer went to visit a king. The king showed great reverence to the astrologer, made him sit down, and honored him with gifts. The king then showed his palm and the charts to astrologer.

The astrologer examined everything and then said to the king, “O King! You will lose your entire family. Everybody is going to die before you. You will be the last to die.”

The king got very upset upon hearing this and put the astrologer in the jail.

When someone hears some negative prediction, they don’t like it. They obviously want to hear something nice and positive instead. And so it was for the king as well.

This news shook the entire community of astrologers. They thought, “We cannot tell the truth to the king. If we do so, he will simply put us in jail. What do we do?”

The king then called for another astrologer to appear before him. Many tried to escape this request but one senior astrologer agreed to meet him. So, he went before the king, who welcomed him in the same way with gifts. The king then showed his palm to the astrologer.

The astrologer said, “Oh, King! What a great fortune you are blessed with! You have a very good horoscope. Nobody in history has had such longevity of age as you are going to have. In fact, nobody in your dynasty has had such great longevity.”

The astrologer never said to the king that he was going to outlive everybody else in the royal family. Instead, he told the king that he was blessed with great longevity and that he had a great horoscope.

The king was so flattered upon hearing the news of his long life and good health. He told the astrologer, “Ask for whatever gift you want from me and I shall give.”

The astrologer said, “Please release my poor colleague who is in jail.”

Moral of the story

Skill in communication makes a huge difference. With the right communication skills, we can turn any negative situation into a positive one.

There is a couplet in Kannada which says, “It is through words that fun and laughter happen, and it is through words that enmity can also happen.”

Speech creates conflict and also removes conflict. Your speech should be so wonderful and sweet, that even Lord Shiva should simply listen and nod happily in agreement saying, “Oh yes, Oh yes.” That’s how lovely your speech should be.

Effective communication tips

With the right communication skills, we can turn any negative situation into a positive one. Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar shares the following 10 steps one can take to develop effective communication at work and in personal relationships:

1. The first step to improving communication is listening. Listening is an important factor for better communication.

2. Understand where the other person is coming from – what is the sentiment behind their communication.

3. Make them aware that you’re in sync with that sentiment and understand their standpoint and then communicate what you want to communicate.

4. Don’t give your opinions when they’re not asked for. Be a little mysterious! People should want to ask you a question to get to know you. Till then, don’t open your mouth.  Don’t keep unnecessarily saying “I like this,” and “I don’t like this.” If most of your conversations go like that, people will not want to communicate with you.

5. If someone wants to come and share something with you, be a good listener. While they are speaking, don’t counter them, saying, “I too had that experience,” and start your stories.

They should not feel – “Oh my God, I wanted to share and now she’s talking about herself.”

A speaker comes to you and subtly makes you a listener; instead, you turn things around and him a listener – this is bad communication. A speaker has a deep desire to say something to you, so let them complete and then you respond.

6. Make the person with whom you want to communicate feel comfortable with you. You don’t need to make any extra effort – if you are a good listener and you are fully present in the moment, it’s done!​

7. Being a little hollow and empty helps a lot! Many of you may have experienced this. When you’re a little hollow and empty, you communicate better, you have more patience, and you understand the other person better.

8. Now suppose someone goes on and on and on, and you have no time; you want to cut them off and make them listen to what you want to say – you have to do it very skillfully. With a sense of belongingness, you can say, “Hey, come on, I know about this; let’s talk about…” To change the topic, you need skill.

9. When communicating, it’s important to connect on an emotional level, at the level of your heart – then communicating is easy. But if you’re connecting only through the head, then even when you say nice things, it may appear hurtful or derogatory. So, you need to be a little playful, a little skillful, and have a pinch of belongingness and a sense of caring whenever you communicate. The other person should feel the caring in your voice or your body language.

10. Avoid showing artificial care for others. Don’t try to be nice to people. Know that you have this quality (of caring and belongingness) already inside you by default. Knowing that, you simply have to bring it into expression.