By Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar| Posted: May 27, 2020
Everyone’s staying at home. It’s a challenge, right? Before, the world was big. People in the family would go around and do their own things, and elders, seniors, you would also meet with your friends. You’d go out and about, but now the situation is that you’re locked up in the house and you have to be with your children and grandchildren, and the generation gap is so obvious!
The tendency to control
First of all, there’s a generation gap between you and your children. In some houses, there are three or four generations! And if three, four generations of people have to be in a place the whole time, locked up, it’s challenging. Now, what is the attitude that we have to take as senior citizens? One thing to notice is, as elders of the house, do you have a tendency to control?
We feel that everything should be in our control because we’re wise, we know, we’ve experienced. And when kids are going haywire, we’re concerned for the welfare of our children. Their life should be comfortable. This is your intention and your idea, so you want to steer the family the way you want: safe, secure, and everyone prosperous and happy. This is the only goal of all senior citizens.
Persuasion instead of authority
But in the process, what happens? We sometimes need to curtail the wishes of our children and grandchildren, because they have wild ideas and we feel that these ideas won’t work or they’ll be very difficult or risky. As senior citizens, you don’t want to take a risk. You want things to be smooth, because you’ve seen life in its many facets, ups and downs. But I want to tell you that you have to give them some room.
Though your intentions are right, you shouldn’t appear as though you’re controlling. There’s a saying that says, “When a son or daughter becomes 16 years old, behave with them like a friend.” See, with children, you have authority, but with friends, you have only persuasion and requests. So if senior citizens take this attitude of persuasion instead of authority, there’ll be so much more harmony between you and your next generation.
Pulling the reins in and letting go
And, with the generation after that, behave with cordiality. That you already have. You have a soft spot for them. Sometimes you give them more room than they should really be given. This would irritate their parents, your children. So all these complications happen. In these complications, the best attitude for us is, you know how to ride a horse? You have to pull in the reins sometimes and let them loose sometimes. If you keep the reins tightly pulled, the horse won’t move forward, and if you leave them loose, then the horse will go wherever it wants to.
So, as seniors, we need to have that knack, that skill, of reining in and letting go. Give them some room to make mistakes. Don’t hold very tight, because when you hold very tight, they’re still not going to listen to you, and then, what happens? You’ll get upset.
Keep the atmosphere cheerful
As senior citizens, don’t get depressed and keep a long face. You should be cheerful always. That sense of humor from you will make the whole atmosphere in the family better. Everyday, sit with them. Tell them some experiences of yours. Tell them about your family tree. Tell them about your grandfather, you know, something that will interest them. You can do all this if you’re cheerful, if you’re happy.
Just be determined, “Come what may I’m not going to lose my smile. I’m not going to lose my mind. I’ve lived nicely, I’m complete and satisfied. I’m here only to give advice. Whether they take it or not is none of my business. I’m not here to control.” You’ll create heaven at home. If you want to control, if you’re upset, if you’re negative, very quickly it spreads to every member of the family and everyone becomes miserable.
Nobody can hurt you if you don’t want to be hurt. Never care about anybody’s hurtful words. Don’t take them in, number one. Number two, keep a cheerful mood. You have to create this for yourself. Third, spend time in philosophy, knowledge, wisdom, meditation.
If you can do simple yoga, do it. If you can’t, do some pranayama (breathing practices) or meditation. There are many creative ways we can spend our time and create harmony and happiness in the family. And first and foremost, you need to keep yourself happy. I don’t say you need to keep yourself busy. I’m saying you have to keep your spirit high, and keep yourself happy.
Our state of the mind can play a big role here. If the mind is happy, calm and clear, it becomes easy to handle any kind of situation. For learning some practical tools to achieve that state of mind to live a harmonious family life among many generations, check out Beyond Breath - A Free Breath & Meditation Session - Online Session With a Live Instructor.
