Gurudev

Q-A on Parenting Skills and the Art of Raising Kids In this Modern Age

Posted : December 16, 2019

This is a compilation of Q-A with Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar on Parenting

Q: It would be wonderful to have our children grow up happily in this sometimes difficult world. Besides lots of love what can we give them when they are still too young for meditation?

Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:

Just play with them. Don’t try to be a teacher all the time. In fact, learn from them and respect them. And don’t get too serious with kids.

I remember as a child, when my father would come home in the evenings, he would just clap and make us laugh. My mother was very strict but my father would just clap and make everyone laugh before we all sat down for dinner. Everybody had to sit together and eat. So before that he would just clap and chase everybody around in the house. Everyone had to laugh before we sat for food.

So don’t go on teaching them all the time, just celebrate with them, play with them, sing with them. This is the best thing.

If you always take a stick and say, 'Don’t do this, don’t do that', that is no good. With kids, I feel you should play with them more, and tell them stories sometimes. We used to hear a lot of nice stories when we were kids. Every day one story. It is good to bring up children with values through stories this way. If you tell them interesting stories then they will not sit glued to the television all the time.

There are many stories for children, like Panchatantra. One of our devotees is making cartoons of the Panchatantra. Soon it will come out.

So it is good for parents to sit with the children and tell them stories that have morals. A story with a moral is good. And that quality time of one hour or half an hour that you spend with your children is good enough.

Also, don’t stifle them sitting with them for five to six hours. Quality time of 45 minutes to one hour is good, and this time should be very interesting. They should look forward to the time to sit with you and listen to stories.

I remember, I had an uncle, who was very fat, fair and had a round face. Every Sunday he would come to our house and tell us stories. We would all sit with him and he would tell us nice stories, and he would leave some suspense towards the end so that the next time we would be very curious to know what happens next.

So we do have such personalities among us. If not, your own kid can go and tell stories to some other kids. Their parents will also be very happy. They will find someone to babysit, and that can be your service project as well.

That human touch is needed.

Today children, from the time they wake up in the morning, they sit like a non-participatory witness in front of the television, don’t they?

Children sit in front of the television and go on surfing channels. The mother comes and says, ‘Hey, come for breakfast’, and they just don’t move. Sometimes, mother has to bring their breakfast in front of the television. This type of culture is no good. What do you think? How many of you agree with me?

Children growing up with too much television don’t seem to be as intelligent. You should limit the television to a maximum of two hours a day, otherwise children will have this Attention Deficiency Syndrome.The brain gets so bombarded with all these images, it fails to register anything else and the kids become so dull later on. They cannot attend to anything.

Even for adults, one or two hours is enough, not more. It is too much for adults too. You know, all these nerves in the brain get so taxed with watching too much television.

Sometimes people compel me to see television saying, 'Gurudev, this is very good.'

I can’t watch more than half an hour to one hour. It really taxes the mind. I wonder how people watch two to three movies a week. Really we are draining the brain cells.

Just look at the people who come out of the movie theaters, do they look exuberant, energetic and happy? The way they go into the movie theaters, when they come out, how do they look? However nice the movie has been, they look drained, completely exhausted and dull. If you have not noticed, just stand outside a movie theater. You should watch when people are going into the theater and when they are coming out. You will see a visible difference. Any entertainment recreation should energize you, but with watching movies, it doesn't happen that way.

Suppose you go for a live show, it is a little better than that, you don’t feel so exhausted. You go for a live music performance, it doesn't do that much. You do feel exhaustion, but not that much. How many of you notice this?

And when you come to satsang, it is just the opposite. When you come in, you feel different, and when you go out you feel energized.

Q: Do you think that little children should be told scary fairy tales, because there are some German tales which are scary and I've heard people say children shouldn't be told them.

Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:

Scary tales should kept in moderation.

Suppose they are not told any scary tales at a young age, then when they grow up and they become aware of them, it will scare them even more. It will make them very weak.

At the same time, if you tell them too many scary things, then they can get obsessed with fear. Both extremes should be avoided. A little bit of scary things can be there but not too much, especially video games.

I feel video games should not be violent. Children shoot in the video screen and think it is just a game, and then in real life they start shooting people because they don’t find the difference between the virtual world and the real world. This is a problem. So I would prefer that children should not have violent video games.

Q: How to cope up with children’s expectations when they compare themselves with others and demand those things that others have? They say that so and so is groomed well and they also want the same kind of stuff.

Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:

You have to tell children that you can only give so much and they shouldn’t compare themselves with others. It is important that you don’t give them any false hope. At the same time, we can give them a dream. “If you pass or do this, maybe you can have it.” Here lies the importance of bringing them up with that sensitivity and belongingness. That is why I said if you participate instead of teaching them, they will not even ask you. They should be a participant in your life. Then they will be sensitive towards you, rather than putting a demand on you.

Before you become a good father or mother, you need to become a good uncle or aunt. Are you getting what I am saying? You should communicate more with friends of your children. They will listen to you. Suppose, if your son’s/daughter’s friends have any wrong habit, you can influence them to change. They listen to you more than their own parents. Similarly, other parents can take care of other’s children better than their own children.

Q: There is so much competition in society that kids have no time to relax. There is a fear that they will not fit into society. How do we handle this situation? What is the mantra for excellence?

Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:

I think you shouldn’t push them too much. You should teach them to relax. That is why I said music, meditation, some games will all help.

Q: Children don’t care about their parents when they grow up. So many old age homes are there. Where do we fail as parents and what is your advice to parents so that this situation could be controlled?

Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:

That is why I am saying these three types of trust are very important – Trust in oneself, in the goodness of others, and in the Divine. A little bit of religion, moral and spiritual values, and the way you treat your parents and ask them to treat their grandparents can make an impact on them. So, you tell your children to take care of their grandparents. They will start doing that.

Q: How can spiritual practices strengthen academic progress?

Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:

Definitely. you know there has been research recently from England that the children who study Sanskrit (an ancient Indian language) excel in mathematics, and the linguistic function of their brain become so much better that these children can learn any language from Chinese to English to Russia easily. Researchers worked for 15 years and they found out these results. Three schools in England have made Sanskrit compulsory in the school. They also did research into why India excels in IT. The Indian brain is more suitable on computers. This is because of the background of Sanskrit language. So, it is good to have your children study Sanskrit. Apart from this there are number of researches which show how doing pranayama enhances the performance of children. They feel more calm, attentive, and alert. They are able to perceive and digest better. There are a number of such benefits that have been proved. You can look into the SKY Schools website for the benefits that a child gets in academics.