By Paige Leigh Reist | Posted: September 11, 2018

It seems to be a more and more common phenomenon--you log into Facebook or open up Twitter to check up on your family and friends and watch a few cat videos. But instead, you’re confronted with a controversial post about a hot-button political or cultural topic followed by hundreds of angry, reactive comments that swiftly descend into a pit of incomprehensible, unhelpful chaos.

Online culture makes it really easy for us to be reactive instead of proactive. When we’re online, our relative anonymity gives us more freedom, more courage, and more protection to indulge in our worst instincts and let our emotions get the better of us. Being angry on the internet is addicting. It makes you feel like you’ve been productive, educational, that you’ve fought for something you’re passionate about. It feels like you’ve done something to better the world, when in actuality, you haven’t. You’ve simply reacted.

But the habit of being reactive is more than just reacting to things. It’s a mindset that the world is acting upon you and independent of you. It means that you see yourself as a victim of circumstance, of fate, that you’re not in control of your own life. You’re just a guy in a boat on the ocean being buffeted around by the waves. When you’re reactive, you’re just trying to keep yourself afloat. When you’re proactive, you start looking for the oars.

Proactive thinking isn’t a new idea: Stephen Covey wrote about it as the first of the seven tenets of a successful, fulfilling life in The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.

Being proactive instead of reactive essentially means that you reframe your perspective so that you begin to believe that you are in control of your own life. It means that you begin to respond to circumstances beyond your control with grace, flexibility, and ease. And above all, it means that you are comfortable taking responsibility for your emotional reactions, and that you’re able to turn those initial reactions into actions that improve your life and the world around you.

So how do you begin to shift your mindset to one that is more naturally and comfortably proactive, rather than reactive? These seven tools will set you on the right path, and by practicing them, you’ll teach yourself how to be more proactive at work, in your relationships, and in your self-improvement journey.

 

1. Take ownership of your life

The very first step to changing your perspective is to swallow your ego and take ownership of your problems. This is a difficult and emotional process, and something that I’ve found to be a valuable tool in this process is journaling. Rather than squashing your emotions into a little box inside of your heart and locking them away, let them out, let them breathe, and let them live. Your emotions are excellent guideposts to a more responsible, accountable outlook.

Once you’ve worked through your initial reaction to a situation, try looking at what actions you might have taken to prevent or change the outcome of this situation. Let’s say you’ve been overlooked for promotion. Go ahead and vent about your boss for a little bit, but then sit down and really look at your work habits: were you as consistent, innovative, or productive as you could have been? Are you really the victim here?

2. Know what your values are

No matter how idealistic you might be, it’s physically and mentally impossible to stand for everyone and everything. Do a little soul-searching and decide what issues are the most important to you. What do you stand for? What can you change? How are you improving your life and the world with your actions? When you are secure in yourself and in your purpose, you are far more confident in your day-to-day life.

3. Keep good company

It’s hard to be reactive when you’re surrounded by proactive, inspiring people. They say you’re the amalgamation of the five people you spend the most time with, so make friends with people who take initiative, remain positive, and don’t blame everyone else for their problems. Their habits will rub off on you.

4. Take action

Action is so much more effective than argument. If you’re passionate about the environment, for instance, you can make a much bigger difference living by example: rather than getting into a spat with your aunt online, walk the talk by looking at yourself first. Donate your time to an activist organization, change your sustainability habits, and educate yourself as much as you can. Focusing on yourself and your own impact will do more to change the minds of the people around you than arguing ever will.

5. Think with intention

Changing the way you think can make a big impact on the way you act. Next time you find yourself thinking dismissive, negative, and reactive thoughts like “this is impossible”, try intentionally rewording them into something more positive, like “this is an opportunity to learn”, or something focused on problem-solving, like “how can I adjust my approach to be more effective?”. Sometimes it even helps to say these things out loud.

For many years, I struggled with how harshly I judged others. This strategy worked wonders for combatting that tendency. Whenever I found myself having a negative or judgemental thought about someone else, I tried to think of two positive opinions I held about that person as well. This increased my empathy and compassion, and eventually taught me that my judgemental thoughts about others were fuelled by unhappiness with myself. Once I realized this, I was able to work on being compassionate with myself as well. By thinking with intention, I turned my focus from an outward reaction to an inner proactive action instead.

6. Hone your mind

Meditation hones your mind, moving your inner life from a chaotic, reactive, and self-centered landscape to a peaceful, attentive, and loving state. Although it’s a solitary activity, meditation takes you out of the moment, connects you to the fabric of the universe and to the people around you, and helps you move from the mindset of a victim to that of a victor.

7. Spend your energy wisely

As Covey puts it, proactive people and reactive people have two different circles of focus. The Circle of Concern encompasses the things that you just don’t have any control over, while the Circle of Influence encompasses things that you do have control over. Three guesses as to which circle proactive people focus on!

When you spend all of your time in the Circle of Concern, you feel as if the world is batting you around like a tennis ball. Growth is impossible. But when you spend all your time in the Circle of Influence, you begin to understand that you really do have autonomy, and you’re empowered to continue to act upon the world and go out and get what you want.

Being proactive in life is a skill, not a talent. The more you practice it, the better you’ll become; more confident, more action-oriented, more effective in your day to day life. The best way to be proactive, not reactive, is doing it over and over.  It takes a lot of humility and initiative, but being proactive will certainly change your life for the better.

 

Paige Leigh Reist is a lifestyle writer and the blogger behind the wholesomehandbook.com.