Whenever I became angry, my 4-year-old son would always comment that I looked like a rakshas (demon) 👿. This was so until I attended my first meditation program in Rishikesh. Then I became a regular meditation practitioner. One day, in a playful mood, he said, “Ma, the rakshas doesn't come in you anymore! If you happen to become mad at me, then you must go to Rishikesh and give up your rakshas there. OK?”
Have you been called similar names by your kids? It is disheartening 😢 and 🤔 thought-provoking. It is disheartening because parents need to give children a friendly environment. But at times, we reflect on the stress around them. It is thought-provoking as we begin to earnestly lookout for a solution to this problem.
Before I share how meditation helped me as a parent, would you like to know my social, emotional and mental background, before I became a parent? Here you are!
My background
My upbringing was in a broad-minded nuclear family with the freedom of speech and discipline in action. Not aware of a few traditions of a Rajasthani family, I started my marital journey with a pallu on my head, a change of surname, and so on.
My first takeaway
Thank God! Before it was too late, I was introduced to The Art of Living Basic Course (now Happiness Program) within 1.5 years of my marriage. In those days, I was being pressured by my parents, parents-in-law and relatives for a baby.
All my stress vanished for the moment. My pregnancy test turned positive in a month or two.
Birth of a ‘Mother’
Throughout pregnancy, meditation and breathing techniques proved to be a handy tool for smooth delivery. The mother son bond started developing before his birth. Amidst nappy change, feeding, baby food, first baby steps, and other responsibilities, meditation became my last priority. No mother on earth should commit this mistake. If your responsibility increases, then increase your sadhana duration, as it enables you to shoulder your burdens effectively and efficiently, and with a smile.
Effortlessness is meditation
Oh yes, I forgot to share with you that when my son turned two, we shifted to a place where The Art of Living has a follow-up center, but due to the non-availability of a teacher, follow-ups were not happening regularly. I got inspired to become The Art of Teacher to ensure regular follow-ups. To my amazement, my mother-in-law and husband seconded my decision. For the first time in my life, I left my son with my husband to do the Advance Meditation Program in Rishikesh. I experienced how effortlessness is meditation. This was the beginning of many momentous happenings in my life as a parent.
Kindergarten days of my son
When I used to sit with my son for his revision and homework, we would discuss things sometimes being cool and other times our discussion would turn into healthy arguments. I call them healthy arguments as they end in humor or compassion. On his return on an exam day, I would never ask him about his paper. Astonishingly, he would pinpoint his mistakes himself. 😀 On the result day, I never scolded him for scoring less. I owe these incidents to my regular meditation practice which made me cool.
Jo ho gaya, so ho gaya.
Jo kar sakte hen, wo dekh lo.
My son was fond of participating in all the competitions held at school. I was also enthusiastic about it. The habit of meditation uncovered the creative edge in me. He participated and won the talent competition, clay modeling competition, etc. I gave him my ideas and guidance to which he put his heart and soul, to express his talents.
Primary school days of my son
Oh yes, I recall that one school refused to arrange for the reschedule of the entrance test for our child. All the family members wanted to be a part of the Silver Jubilee celebration of The Art of Living in Bengaluru in 2006, and the dates were clashing. My prime objective was for my family and me to experience meditation in a large group (3 million) for world peace. I was cool. I was sure that whatever was best for my kid would happen. On returning from the celebration, we learned that another round of entrance tests was happening as the school decided to add two more sections to the class.
Adjusting to a new school
Due to my husband’s transferable job in the corporate sector, it happened twice that my son had to seek admission during a mid-academic session. It is difficult for a student to cope with a new set of books, classmates, teachers, and the most important rules of the school. But with my inner strength (all thanks to meditation), I could guide him to excel despite all odds.
I always tell him, “Do your best and leave the rest.”
He knows that his parents are not going to compare him with others. He trusts me that he can confide in how big the mistake is. This trust-building is an asset in the parent-child relationship.
Demanding Teens
Perhaps, every parent is most thoughtful during this stage of their child’s life. I found this phase pass away smoothly through the rough challenges, with innovative solutions which come up when the mind is made calm through meditation.
For instance, my son demanded a pet dog. We tried convincing him about the problems while keeping a dog at home. Then came the demand for a PSP (PlayStation Portable). I had then asked my nephew to share his experience with him. I knew that it was difficult as a parent to convince him about the probable ill effects of playing with a PSP. Children learn better from their elder siblings.
Competition Struggle in Teens
12th class was a tremendous learning year for my son. His first attempt for IIT and other engineering entrance exams. He had a keen interest in robotics from Class 4. We had exposed him to various faculties like tabla, skating, football, cricket, swimming, etc. So appearing in an engineering competition was his decision. He took coaching for this competition in Kota. Kota smells of coaching centers and competition. It was not only his exams but mine too. My thought was, “The more relaxed I will be, the better focused he shall be in his studies.” The mother son duo overcame all obstacles with the help of some cool tips, meditation and OM chanting.
Preparing children for failure
It is the most challenging thing about being a parent. My son neither got through in his first attempt nor the second attempt in IIT to pursue his favorite subjects in his preferred college. He researched several options with the united efforts of family, friends and relatives. Accepting a different option with open arms was an achievement for my son. It would have been impossible if we blamed and pressured him.
It is not a piece of cake to convince a teenager. But with meditation and positive vibes in a family, everything is possible.
When I look back on my life, I would have missed bringing smiles to my loved ones, especially my kid, if I had not practiced meditation as a routine. I would have been ignorant about the feeling of loving my kid unconditionally.
The Art of Living's Medha Yoga program testimonial by teenager Pooja,
“Magical transformation happened from arguments with parents to understanding them, fights with friends to cherishing life with them.”
Inspired by Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar's wisdom talks.
Based on inputs by Sheetal Chaudhary, Faculty, Children and Teens Desk.
Written by: Pratibha Sharma
For the first time, this article was published - on The Happy Parenting site. It is an initiative by The Art of Living Children and Teens.
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