11 ways to convince your child without promising a gift

I have been handling my child's likes and dislikes from when they were tiny tots. From choosing school water bottles to buying bicycles, I have faced their ifs and buts. It was easy for me to quieten their demands without proper reasoning when they were small. As they grew up, hormonal changes played a crucial role. I sensed the changes in my child, and so I addressed the situation based on my understanding of life and my child’s requirements. 

Neither did I want my child to expect gifts now and then nor get punishment for disobeying elders. I found eleven secrets towards convincing my child. 

Eleven ways to convince a kid without promising a gift

1. Listen to your child

2. Your approach matters

3. Instil friendliness in your children

4. Inculcate spirituality into your children’s lives

5. Share the benefits of seva activities with your children

6. Let your children know the pros and cons

7. Influence the influencers of your children

8. Decide do's and don’ts and their consequences in a family meeting

9. Eureka! What an idea!

10. Limit choices

11. Work on your negotiating skills

Let us one-by-one look at the ways to convince a child without gifting them.

1. Listen to your child

Listen to your child earnestly without any judgement. Sky will not fall if your teenager speaks out of turn. When you show that you are ready to listen to their side of the story, it is more likely that they will listen to what you have to say.

2. Your approach matters

Ask these questions to yourself -

Am I relaxed before and during the conversation?

Am I preoccupied with my work stress?

Am I talking to my child from the space of empathy?

If my answers are “No” to all these questions, I need to go for a time-out and relax.

3. Instil friendliness in your children

Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar says, “Children by nature are friendly. If they are unfriendly, it is because of stress.” Always try to speak to your children and relieve them of whatever stress they might be facing. When children are free from stress, they will be friendly towards you and others. They will freely share everything with you, care for others and be flexible to unexpected changes. They can then be convinced logically, and there will be no need for expensive gifts.

4. Inculcate spirituality into your children’s lives

Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar says how we can inspire children to meditate.

Spiritual practices like yoga, meditation, and being in wisdom aid your child in relieving stress and having a balanced mind. A mind which embraces all aspects and elements of life without the momentary attraction of any gift. 

Some simple yet profound meditations for children have been compiled in the blog, “Meditation for kids - 7 effective mediation techniques for children and teens.”

5. Share the benefits of Seva activities with your children

A volunteer is a person serving humanity without any expectations. Arrange a meeting of your children and their friends (in society or school) with a volunteer. It will introduce them to the fact that every action done for others is not necessarily for a vested interest like gifts or rewards. Happiness is not dependent on receiving gifts. Happiness comes from gifting a smile.

6. Let your children know the pros and cons.

Instructing your teens what to do will certainly ignite their rebellious nature. First, research the topic of consideration by putting yourself in your child’s shoes. You may then offer them the pros and cons in your discussions.

7. Influence the influencers of your children

Take the help of the influencers of your child. For toddlers, it could be nana-nani, dada-dadi (grandparents), chacha-chachi, masa-masi (uncles-aunts), or friends. Route the open discussion of pros and cons through the influencers of your child, their friends. There is a likelihood to get to the root of the problem too.

8. Decide Do’s and Don’ts and their consequences in a family meeting

When my child was 11 years, I set the limits and made my expectations clear at a family meeting. I asked my child for input on what the consequences might be and his views on each of these.

In these cases, consistency is vital, but that should not translate into rigidity. It is essential to be flexible at times, like when you are on holiday or occasions when your child displays exemplary behavior. It conveys to them that following the do’s and don’ts can be rewarding and not suffocating.

Testimonial - Alya Rattnasi shares her experience of Prajñā Yoga - Intuition Process, “I used to do anything without thinking what the consequences would be. Now, I think of my actions before I start doing them.”

Prajñā Yoga - Intuition Process is a perfect program to develop intuitive abilities in kids, improve academic grades in school, enhance foresight and imbibe life skills.

9. Eureka! What an idea!

Diwali was approaching. I thought of involving my son in deep house cleaning. But he had some genuine reasons and a few excuses. Eureka! An idea struck me. I allowed him to take leave from school on that day. He was happy and more than willing to help me throughout the day in cleaning by taking a day off from school.

10. Limit choices

Offering limited choices avoids confusion for your kids and also helps them decide faster. When they can make quick decisions, they feel they are the decision-makers and so throw fewer tantrums. An example. It is difficult to pull your children while they are thoroughly enjoying the swing. They may throw tantrums if you say, “Time up! Let's go home.” To avoid tantrums and give a sense of time, you can come up with limited choices, “We will be heading home in three minutes. Would you like to seesaw or crawl through tubes?” Children will feel like they have decided and will follow spontaneously.

11. Work on your negotiating skills

Some children find it hard to absorb an outright refusal when they demand something. For example, if your child is adamant about watching a movie at night, talk to them out of it by reaching an agreement where they can pick a movie for the weekend and another one for next month.

Related links:

• Want to buy a gift for your meditator friend and are at a loss for ideas? Find out some gift ideas.

• “The best gift is wisdom” is an article having a series of questions answered by Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar.

Inspired by Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar's wisdom talks.

Written by Pratibha Sharma.

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