We all stumble at some point in life and a guide/Guru helps us find our way. In one such instance, a disciple asked Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar about the cause of our misery. Gurudev then unfolded three main reasons for us not being happy.
Why you’re not happy
There are only three reasons for unhappiness:
Parinama
Tapa
Samskara
Parinama
The memories of good times or pleasures of life that now makes you unhappy are called Parinama dukkha. Thinking about the good times in one's childhood or youth, a promotion in the past, and so on makes us sad.
Gurudev gave a very thought-provoking example of Parinama dukkha. The ex-president of a country who had just retired invited Gurudev to bless his house. On Gurudev’s arrival, the ex-president asked his waiter to get some drinks for the guests which took more time than usual to prepare. Quickly, the ex-president told Gurudev, “Look, since I have retired, I have lost my respect even from my servitors. Had I still been the president, my waiter would not have kept me waiting for so long.”
Well, aren’t we all like that? Don’t we all attach our happiness to our status, expectations, and relationships? How often do you feel happy with life as it is? Very rare, right? We always have some baggage, and complaints about how things should be to make us happy.
Example:
Most women feel depressed when they see a change in their body after pregnancy, thinking about the times when they looked better.
People whose life track changes due to any reason (like illness or marriage) feel sad remembering the times when they held a better position at work and had a comfortable life.
Retired people often feel stressed that they don’t get the same respect they did when they were working.
Tapa
Tapa Dukha is the unhappiness caused by longing for something in the present and not getting the same. Anger, hatred, jealousy or being miserable in the present moment contributes to Tapa Dukha.
Example:
Longing for a better partner or relationship makes you constantly reveal your expectations to your partner, which eventually leads to a quarrel and brings misery.
Health issues of the present become the reason for unhappiness in many adults and instead of focusing on lifestyle changes, they choose to remain unhappy.
Samskara
Samskara Dukha is the unhappiness arising from remembering some miserable events of the past that have left a deep impression in you. We are so inclined to make things our way that any minor issue makes us complain about life. And then, complaining and whining becomes a habit, an impression.
Example:
When kids are pampered, they cry if we deny their wishes occasionally.
We feel upset when people don’t praise us for the work we did or the food we cooked.
We become sad thinking about a painful past or someone’s passing away long back.
Life is too short to be unhappy
If you look at the above types and examples of misery, you will find that we often attract feelings of unhappiness. It’s as if we like being miserable. It gives us the satisfaction of being heard and makes us the center of attention. There is no point in living a miserable life. Life is a gift and it is too short to waste on negativity. Since reacting to situations is in our control, we can choose to learn lessons from our mistakes and move on.
“Happiness is when you want nothing, and you want to give. Where the wanting and desires end, when sharing begins, happiness is exactly there.”
~ Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar
5 steps to overcoming our misery and finding happiness
Practice gratitude
We need to feel grateful for all the blessings we have received in life. Gratitude makes us more humble and helps us overcome unhappiness. Mindful meditation helps you feel more gratified.
Count your blessings
Problems of others again help us count our blessings. Have you ever seen people living in poverty or suffering from irrecoverable diseases? If you see how they deal with their situations, you will understand how fortunate you are.
“The secret to happiness is to be yourself and find that inner reservoir of peace we have all been gifted with. Just be yourself!”
~ Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar
Serve Others
When you serve others, you live life purposefully. It makes you resilient and helps you find inner peace, which helps you overcome unhappiness.
“The happiness that you get by doing service to society, you can’t buy that kind of happiness anywhere.”
~ Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar
Be practical
When you are not in denial of knowledge, wisdom and spirituality, you deal with life practically. Life’s mysteries shouldn’t stress you, but rather teach the quality of acceptance in you.
Take life as it comes
There is nothing more powerful than life itself. Life will unfold as it is and we must make peace with it. Don’t you feel it’s easier to live life at each sip and enjoy every moment than crib about wants and needs? That way, we will live a stress-free, healthy and happy life.
FAQ on Unhappiness
Unhappiness leads to many health issues such as fatigue, insomnia, hair loss, and chronic depression.
You must constantly look at sources of happiness such as sharing, keeping a healthy mind, and letting go of the past.
