It seems parents who compare their children with others are looking for some validation of their child’s worth. For me, this is nothing short of emotional violence to the children. There are also other reasons why children are compared with their siblings and besties, which we shall look into in this blog.
Facts
Before that, let us check out some facts which may help us understand the depth of this issue. Out of 250 career options available in India, children know only a handful. And, 82 percent of parents are involved in deciding their child's career, says a LinkedIn study. UNICEF has reported that by 2030, more than half of Indians who have only completed up to intermediate education will lack the necessary skills for a job. Only 47% of the young students in India will have the right skills for the right job.
In this scenario, if parents continue to compare their children with others (in their nearest circle) as a yardstick to decide on their career, it will limit their career options. There might not be sufficient preparedness in your children for a possible career. Thus, it is way more important for parents to be updated about career options and match them with their children’s interests and skills.
Now let us understand the psyche of the parents behind the tendency to compare.
Why do parents compare their children?
Basic instinct - It is difficult for parents to ignore the progress of their child’s classmates/siblings.
Boost morale - Parents attempt to boost their children’s morale by encouraging them to take up something that is perceived as a superior career or learning.
Compelled by ego - They want to prove their own viewpoint is right and their child is wrong.
Compelled by fear - They think that their child has substandard skills and maybe looked down upon in the family and friend circle.
Want to show off - They want others to notice and appreciate their child’s laurels.
Noblest intention - To reduce uncertainty in kids’ life so that they are able to make a decision.
They want to set an example for their child to follow.
They think their child will be encouraged to do better or succeed.
They feel comparison will improve the child’s knowledge and skills.
Parents need to be carefree, not referee to their kids!
I see this tendency of parents “to compare their children” as a new age virus, and the vaccine to this virus is “Relax, chill, trust and understand the ancient wisdom”. In the Online Breath and Meditation workshop, you will learn a powerful breathing technique, Sudarshan Kriya. It reduces stress, fear and anxiety. The Online Know Your Child/Teens workshop helps you understand your children better. It makes you more open to children’s thoughts that parents often tend to overlook.
Testimonial
After attending the Online Know Your Child workshop, Rashmi shares, “Earlier we knew what the problem was but didn’t know ways to handle them and unknowingly compared our siblings. This workshop will help me follow certain things to raise a well cultured and good individual.”
"If you find competition & comparison are inevitable in life, then direct them to yourself & historical role models."
- Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar
In parenting my kids, I have implemented this wisdom in my own way. If I cannot stop myself from comparing, I should at least direct this comparison to my kid himself and maybe the historical role models. Your kid should aim to better his previous assessments and achievements. Historical role models like Chhatrapati Shivaji Maharaj for his guerrilla warfare tactics and Rani Lakshmi Bai for her dedication to the motherland awakened the freedom spirit among people. Comparison to historical role models can uplift children’s spirits to scale life skills.
Inspired by Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar’s wisdom talks
Written by Pratibha Sharma
Reference:
- By 2030, more than half of 12th-passed Indians will lack the skills to get jobs: Unicef.
- '82% Indian parents involved in deciding child's career': The Economic Times.
Related links:
“How should parents stop comparing their kids? And celebrate life with them!” It talks about parenting your child without comparing them with other siblings and their besties.
“Competition is not a sign of jealousy. It simply means you're competing with yourself to be your best version.” ~ Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar.
FAQs on Parenting
- Patience is the mantra
- Let your child pursue their interests
- Accept your child with their existing skills. Every child is not the same
- Understand the learning capacity of your kid
- Love your child unconditionally
- Treat children as individuals with their own likes and dislikes. It builds their trust in you
- Admit that you don’t know it all
- Know that your children can excel in many other ways
Comparing your children with others is bad as it deters the children from mental, physical and emotional development.
Yes, comparing children with their friends and siblings is one of the vital issues leading to toxic parenting. Once you become aware of your tendency to compare, half the battle is won. The awareness applies brakes to this tendency to compare, and gradually you come out of it. Secondly, the wisdom that comparison is futile brings more acceptance. It saves you from a lot of heartburn.
