How often have you felt that our fears or expectations are the root causes for blame games? Moreover, it’s easier to blame others than accept our own mistakes or lack of effort? When our minds feel frustrated or vulnerable, we tend to pin the blame on others. Be it in personal or professional life, the blame games continue until we listen.
“Your mind is responsible for your freedom and bondage.”
-Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar
What Exactly Causes Blame Games?
When you build expectations around people and always want things to happen your way, then your mind becomes prone to blame games. Be it your spouse, parents, a colleague, a passer-by on the road, a neighbour, or a relative, you blame anybody around you for any unfavourable situation. In reality, this picture of being a victim all the time is painted by you. You contribute to the cause of the pain and get caught up in your blame game.
Stop the Blame Game
Simply put, there is no benefit in playing these blame games. They cause pain, heartbreak, stress and guilt, and the process repeats itself unless you break the flow. Here are a few ways to do it.
Believe in the Law of Attraction
“If you throw blame, blame will come back to you. If you give compliments, you will see it comes back to you in many folds. Whatever you throw, bounces back onto you. This is the law of attraction.”
~ Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar
Yes, whatever you attract in life, you receive it. You might attribute your rewards to destiny, but the law of attraction plays a role here. You are the one who creates your own destiny. This is the law of Karma. If you blame others, what you will get is only blame. Sometimes people in unhappy relationships barely take a step out and keep blaming their fate. When you accept the law of attraction, then you change your negative attitude and take the necessary action to bring a positive change in your life. You pour out compliments instead of blames, and inturn attract praise. You become the change you yourself wanted.
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Life is too short to be ruined by blaming yourself or others. If something even leads to a blame game, break the chain. Instead of saying, “I blame you for my unhappiness”, or “You ruined our memories”, say, “I am going to take charge of my happiness”, or “Let’s find out a way to resolve this problem. I am going to take the responsibility.” Sometimes your situation may compel you to indulge in the blame game politics, but then take a deep breath and remind yourself that your life doesn’t have to be that way. You can always change the way you deal with a situation by looking inwards, and taking charge of your life, your words and actions.
“It is better if he takes full responsibility. You could blame the teacher, the environment, the parents and everything else and finally you blame yourself. It's better to take responsibility than to go on a blame game.”
~ Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar
Accept your Emotions
Even though expectations power the blame game in relationships or the workplace, remember that it’s human to expect. So, accept how you feel about something. Emotions such as anger, sadness, confusion and annoyance are common, and as soon as you accept your thoughts and feelings, there won't be an urge to defend yourself. Yes, blame games get the impetus when you defend yourself for your emotions.
“Emotions are there every moment, every day. Either there’s love or anger or frustration, positive and negative emotions, and that’s what makes up life. We cannot say that these shouldn’t exist. They can exist, but they shouldn’t take over.”
~ Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar
Think Reasonably
Who do you think wins the blame games? Nobody! In fact, we only end up losing our pride, respect, status, love and care. Just for once, whenever you find yourself in such a situation, reason out the end result of a blame game, and allow others to have their own point of view. As you do that, you find yourself taking the first step to solve the problem rather than increasing the scope of it. It brings you peace and helps inculcate compassion for others.
“Blaming is out of anger, jealousy, hatred and does not work. It does not yield any result. Instead, give constructive criticism with compassion.”
~ Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar
Mindfulness and Meditation
“ When you bring peace to your mind through mindfulness and meditation, you get a better perspective of life. In your true serene state of mind, you will find all the blame games unnecessary and to be given up. Meditation allows you to be honest with yourself, about your opinions and decisions, enabling you to learn the lessons of life.
Mind without agitation is meditation. Mind in the present moment is meditation. Mind that has no hesitation, no anticipation is meditation. Mind that has come back home to the source is meditation. Mind that becomes no-mind is meditation.”
~ Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar
View as a Third Party
Associating with the problem too closely may not give you the right perspective and hence make it difficult to stop the blame game. You will only find ways to protect yourself and blame others. However, distancing yourself from the problem could give you a third perspective. It would then be easier to resolve the issue with the right intentions rather than resort to any blame game in the relationship. In other words, if you take a look at your broken relationships or any other issues, and analyze them without any prejudice, from a third point of view, you might realize what you could have done better. Then the solution is not far away, and without any blame game.
Effective Communication
Most of our problems arise due to a lack of communication. When you know how to communicate your views, thoughts, values and emotions with others, you rule out any scope of blame games. Most blame games in the workplace and relationships can be laid off with effective communication and the right intention.
“Take advantage of every opportunity to practice your communication skills so that when important occasions arise, you will have the gift, the style, the sharpness, the clarity, and the emotions to affect other people.”
~ Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar
Let go of grudges
“Why did he initiate the fight? Why did she insult me? How could they put the blame on my work? I will hit back. He is to blame. I will teach them a lesson.” All these thoughts lead to holding a grudge towards people who judge you. But there is no point in that as it only disturbs your mind, furthering the blame game. Learn to let go of what happened and forgive others for your own peace. You can stop the blame game when you realize that it only compounds the problem. Accepting and forgiving yourself and others is the key to moving ahead in life.
“Forgive yourself and forgive others; don’t chew on others’ mistakes or your own mistakes.”
~ Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar
Self Reflection
The blame game politics makes you a different person, someone who you are not. It takes you away from people as well as your own self. Self-reflection only brings you back to your true awareness and helps you understand the cause of a difficult situation. There will be many instances when you will have an easier option to pin the blame on others. But always remember, it won’t bring any solution, and will only worsen the situation. It will only inculcate the bad habit in you and take you closer to negativity. Hence, it’s time to learn your lessons and stop the blame game.
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Beyond Relationships
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