Walking stealthily across the street, Boo Radley would leave gifts for the child characters in the popular novel, ‘To Kill A Mockingbird’. But everyone was terrified of Boo. Not knowing him well enough, the adults and the children made up strange and horrific stories about him. Eventually, Boo comes to the rescue of these children when the antagonist of the novel tries to kill them. The children then discover that Boo was a lonely and kind man craving for companionship.
Boo Radley has a lesson to give to the world. That the many who are ostracized could be the greatest gifts to the world. While Boo remained kind at heart, most alienated individuals in real life nurture feelings of anger and despondency. Some build low self-esteem and a feeling of unworthiness, some turn violent. If only these individuals felt included, we can perhaps get happy people actively contributing to society and even prevent damage.
So, how do we fight a culture of ostracization in a society where differences are interpreted as excuses to stay away and alienate an individual?
Communicate
It has been observed for decades that in a society, it is just more comfortable for people to not talk to those who seem to be different than them. Even though that strains relationships and opens the floor for misunderstandings. Take the example of Boo. Just because people didn't know him well and never spoke to him, he became an easy subject for people’s fears and rumors.
We fear what or those we don’t know. And the only way to know the other and build trust is through communication. Communicate regularly! As social scientists tell us that only repeated interactions build trust. And not just plain talking. Talking with an open heart, without being judgmental and concepts of right and wrong. As Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar says, “When you are righteous, you don’t see where the other person is coming from. Then, your communication is not there at all.”
Are you a Boo Radley yourself?
First, you need to know that the feeling of exclusion is not a neurotic response, but a natural one, and so needs to be taken seriously. Here are a few things you can do for yourself:
1. Connect with your inner self: When you connect with your inner self through meditation and yoga, you find the strength to deal with the situation.
2. Be firm and strong: Even if people cut you out, you be firm and hold your ground. Your confidence will give out a signal that you can’t be treated that way.
3. Find humor: Laughter is a powerful antidote to stress, pain, and conflict. It lightens your burdens, keeps your hopes alive, releases anger and helps you forgive sooner. It helps to make the whole process of stretching your hand out so much easier.
4. Shift your focus: Ask yourself what you can do for society. Such a focus brings important shifts to perception thus facilitating significant changes to one’s mental wellbeing.
Meditate
“When you are free from stress, you have a sense of belongingness and understanding. This is what happens when people meditate and practice Sudarshan Kriya. It happens so naturally.” - Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar
Meditation produces the hormone oxytocin, which makes us more empathetic and increases our ability to bond with people around us. Meditation can thus dissolve differences and even make vulnerable groups feel included. In a wonderful instance, meditation and breathing techniques have helped isolated and vulnerable war-affected children and youth in Jordan to mingle with society and develop a sense of community. Here is a testimonial of the manager of SOS Children’s Village, a non-profit for children, which hosted trainings of International Association for Human Values (IAHV, a sister concern of The Art of Living), whose core component is meditation:
“The SOS children used to live isolated, not interacting much with society, distrusted, and distrusting. In the SOS village, each house was more or less like a gang stronghold. But since they participated in IAHV programs there has been a big positive change in the relationships within the village. After the training, the youth from different houses started meeting and studying together. Youth who were enemies before are now together, there is more brotherhood and no more problems. When there is a problem among them, they are less aggressive.”
Celebrate
A lot of things happen when people come together to celebrate. Firstly, the group energy rises. We even see this happening in sports when different people come together to cheer for a team. As a result, stress disappears and bonding happens naturally. We see it happening in satsangs* (evening of discourse, music, and meditation). People from different walks of life, different ideologies sing and dance together, remembering the one eternal Truth that binds the whole of humanity. There can be no Boo Radley feeling alienated in such an atmosphere. That is why it is important for people to come together and celebrate regularly.
Apart from the pointers above, just by being more aware and intending to be more inclusive, we can build a more inclusive society: A society that embraces the Boo Radleys of the world!
*The Art of Living conducts satsangs across the globe. Attend one in a Happiness center near you.
Written by: Vanditaa Kothari
Based on inputs by Dr. Prema Sheshadri, Faculty, The Art of Living
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