‘Oh No!’ ‘NO’ ‘Nahi’ ‘Na’ ‘Don’t’ ‘I won't’.
If these familiar words are happening to you, in and around your home, and you go CRAZY😡, then read through this blog. You will notice that these words are not only spoken to kids when they are small but also when they have grown up as adults. You might just hit on a solution to handle them peacefully🕊️ and happily.☺️
1. “Oh no” (you scream, when he falls down)
Even before your child actually utters a word, she understands your expressions. Isn’t it? So when she just tries with all his might to take those baby steps, and she happens to fall with a THUD, your painful exclamation, “Oh No” is not going to help her at all. In fact, it scares her and she CRIES. 😭
Happy Solution
Ignore! Yes, you read it right. ‘Just Ignore’ and you will see your baby stand up again… to walk because the toddler doesn’t know that falling is bad. She just happens to fall, rises up, and gets going again. (or should I say gets walking)
Hug …if she gets hurt. 🤗 A hug with “It's Ok” and a few consoling words like “Come, let’s walk to father”, is what the child is looking up to you for.
2. “Hey! You will fall down”
Your kid is enjoying being high up in a swing and waves to you, “Ma, see I am about to touch the sky!” But you become scared of the height and immediately predict, “Hey! You will fall down”.
Happy Solution
Oh, come on, don’t predict. Such predictions actually come true, not that it has to happen, but because your repeated saying makes it happen. When we speak, we are putting our energy towards making it happen. So smilingly reply, “Enjoy!” But be careful” or “You are doing great! Watch out”.
Be proactive at a safe distance to catch him/her lest something goes wrong.
Watch the video on "Power of Words" by Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar.
3. “Your sister does it better than you”
Your younger daughter has scored lesser in Math than the elder one. Unknowingly your frustrating remark, “Your sister does it better than you” will only disappoint your child. She will become furious or jealous of her sibling, or sink deep in guilt that she can’t do it.
Happy Solution
Wake up and see!
No twins or triplets or quadruplets are the same. Then how can two individuals be the same? That too of different ages, understanding, capabilities, interests, etc. Just look back for a moment… whether you are like your bros or sis? No, isn’t it?
Encourage your child, “You have fared better than the previous test. But you are capable of achieving more.”
Introduce her to other faculties, “I am sure you are good at drums, or would you like to try your hands-on guitar?”
Involving your child in service activities on a Sunday, like distributing sweets to the poor in slums, will enhance his or her personality, in an unknown manner.
Give some space for imperfections. It’s ok to be different. If all become doctors and engineers, who will be businessmen, pilots, professors, dentists, or pathologists, among innumerable other professions? We are blessed that our children are in an era when they can be exposed to multifaceted talents and skills easily.
4. “No, You can't do”
There is a singing competition lined up that your teen wishes to participate in for the first time and you pour cold water, “No! You can't do. You have never sung before.”
Your child is big enough and wants to go for a start-up and you exclaim, “No, You can't do it. Your father is into a job. Your uncle is a government servant. You don’t know the ABCs of business. How will you do it?”
Happy Solution
You might have noticed how a 4-year-old kid tries with all his might to push the heavy sofa set. Children have the basic instinct to give in their 100% without assuming the results or I would say without any worries.
Tell them, “It is a good idea. It will work better with a little more practice.”
Nurture their decisions by adding value to it, “We can take it further by…..”
In case you feel that it would harm them, then let the truth be told….but not harshly. Choose the words that don’t demean the child’s self-esteem.
5. “Do as I say!”
Children are known for being adamant: “I want to go out hiking”, “I will not study anymore. It is boring.” “I will do what I want” “I don't have time for your silly things at home”.
Strict parent’s reaction: “Do as I say!”
Happy Solution
When your child attains teen, behave with him or her like a friend. Don't be an authoritative figure. Make them feel at home. Inspiring spiritual stories from time to time keep them on the right path. Without pushing them much, your intention does work.
Find A New Way To End Arguments by Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar
Sometimes children’s desires might be monetarily beyond the reach of the parents. Just like a pet dog. Taking care of your pet is not a joke. A pet dog is always dependent on you.
A healthy and participative discussion is required. Teenagers who have gone astray are teaching you much more than those who are walking straight. Give them examples of such teens in your neighborhood. The skill is to make them understand without blaming, which requires patience.
Sometimes you need to put your foot down and say in ‘capitals’, “NO”, “I want it this way.” It is ok to make them upset sometimes, but then don’t go into the guilt zone. Later on, they will be grateful to you for taking away all their anger. As parents and a teacher, swallow all the anger and frustrations of a child and do what is good for them, not just what pleases them.
Give them knowledge about life. Introduce them to Children and Teen Programs in Art of Living to have clarity of mind, purity of heart, sincerity in actions, and creativity that every child is bestowed with. Everything happens effortlessly. This finds expression spontaneously when you meditate.
6. “You are lying to me”
Your child says: “I was at Rohit’s place.” But your child’s bad luck is that Rohit comes to you to hand over a delicacy prepared by his mom (who is your friend). Rohit’s visit is not known to your child.
Happy Solution
Believe in your child. Trusting in him will create a transparent and healthy parent-child relationship.
When you actually find out that your child lied to you, better don’t let him find that out. Or else, the next time he will find an advanced way to hide from you. That will bring greater difficulties for you.
Here, Spirituality comes to help. Spirituality is to be taught to kids and a bit of it be discovered on their own (inner wisdom). It is like alaap on instruments that are created on their own. To develop, you need to learn how to play it.
Guru Story of a Teen | 15 Year Old Boy's Experience
Talk to your child later when both of you are relaxed, “I will not be annoyed with you if you happen to do something wrong and confide in me. Together we can resolve the issues, however big they may seem. ”
Children should be made aware of the drastic consequences of seemingly silly wrong-doings. You need to be firm and at the same time polite.
7. Scold kids or Make fun of him in front of his friends
“Keep the phone aside and eat first!” “Finish your HW first and then go to play!” “All the time watching Balveer” “Stop your Rainbow 6 siege!” “You can’t pass exams by watching Squid”.
Happy Solution
Your child will only become rebellious if you scold them in front of their friends. Children are influenced by the company they keep. You cannot preserve values in your child, all alone. Be a good uncle and aunt before you become a good parent. Spread your influence among your kids’ friends.
Introduce your kids to newer and relevant things for them. Techniques that will withdraw them from the addiction of devices, while also bringing physical & mental relief. Like this: 1-minute exercise for phone addicts! By Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar.
8. “You are useless” or bad words “stupid”
Such remarks will only widen the gap between you and your child. It will push the child into a self-woven cocoon or towards a network of friends, which might not help him in any way. He will make sure that you don’t reach his friends as you have already created an invisible wall between you and him.
Happy Solution
Bad words affect a person. Similarly, good words also affect him in some way, today or tomorrow, because words have their vibrations. Instead of saying, “You Stupid” say “You are intelligent”. First, you will notice the change of tone in your voice. And obviously, the effect of it will be much better on your kid. After all, what is good for the child should be done by the parent. But if the feeling after a conversation is good, then that is the best thing.
Do you know what the grannies have to say here? They say if you want to instill good quality in your kids or anyone in the family, then chant your wish while cooking. This has an incredible effect. You will see the positive changes coming gradually.
9. Too much of “You are excellent” will inflate the ego and make your child overconfident
If your child has actually done something extremely nice, then appreciation is valid. If you are just praising the child to keep him happy, it is bad for him in the real world. Acclaiming his project when you know that his brother has done it, is teaching him that this is normal.
Protecting your child from assessment by his teacher when he has not completed his schoolwork, will make him even more careless about his responsibilities.
Happy Solution
When your appreciation is valid, then explain to him, “Wow! Your chemical equation practice brought you a good score.” This will give him an idea of how to repeat his success.
Those children who have experienced reprimand from their parents (one-to-one) will be more emotionally balanced when they have a hard day at work, in comparison to those who have not.
Let him know at an earlier age the real world appreciates only qualitative work. Trash can't be cashed all the time.
10. “Where did you learn this?”
You may feel at times that your child acted weirdly and you sound surprised, “I didn’t teach you this. Where did you learn this from?”
Happy Solution
Gather up all the wisdom you have heard or learned so far about human nature to tackle this weirdness. Knowledge is experiencing reality the way it is.
Is it necessary to answer all the desperate questions of your child?
No! As a parent, we are the best decision-makers and should know what, when, and where to answer.
Maintain Silence 🤐
Lecturing all the time is no good! Time Out! Or else your kids may Space Out!
Children are the best to break your boundaries. Children teach you what others can't. Observe them, their tendencies. You shouldn’t force your vision on them, but do share your vision with them.
Sometimes you need to draw the blinds on your kids so that they don’t see the distracting elements at all. Don’t try to please them and don’t try to displease them too. You are not to ignore them (“It could create a sense of low self-esteem later”) and not to answer either! (“Don’t curb their creativity.”)
What to do and when should be known by the parents in a given situation.
“Patience, perseverance, accommodating their desires, and yet leading them to their dreams should be the crux of good parenting.” - Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar
You may click on the video below to have a better insight on how to handle the delicate situations when you are Sandwiched Between Kids And Parents ...Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar
