“Bad relationships are like a bad investment. No matter how much you put into it, you’ll never get anything out of it. Find someone that’s worth investing in. “ - Sonya Parker
Even though the above quote makes great sense, in most cases, people do not realize when they are in a toxic relationship. Relationships are the essence of human life and even with all the shyness to accept, we are dependent on our relationships. Every individual you might know of would have a weakness for the people in their life. And like bad medicine can have an altered effect on our body, a bad/toxic relationship can create a plethora of problems in our lives.
Our relationships help us in many ways by providing us emotional support, and physical happiness and by contributing to our mental well-being. Our personalities develop because of the relations we keep. So, it’s important to assess how you feel about the person you are with. The nature you display could be a result of how they make you feel. If you feel elated and motivated, you may be with the right people. But if you are constantly criticized, mocked at, or made to feel depressed, then you may want to pull out of the toxic relationship.
Signs of a Toxic Relationship
Any relationship that depicts the below signs nods to a high level of toxicity and requires immediate intervention.
Lack of Respect
Insulting with words or actions in front of others or alone points out to a bad relationship. A person, however successful need not put down someone else to feel better. And if you find this behavior in your relationship, it’s time to pull out of it.
Inclusion of Violence
Any type of violence, physical, mental, or emotional abuse clearly indicates a toxic relationship. If you feel you lack freedom and independence at all being with the other person. Constant fighting and disagreements are also signs that you may not be with the right person.
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Constant Incompatibility and Trust Issues
Does your partner/relative trust you completely or do you feel they have their nose up behind in everything you do? Trust issues, jealousy, and manipulation are quite common in a disrupted relationship. If these issues do not get sorted out sooner, it could lead to toxicity very soon.
Possessiveness
Do you find yourself answering about every minute detail of yours to the other person in the relationship? Possessiveness leads to a toxic relationship. Many people feel that they have the right to control the people they are with and exert power over them. If you find yourself falling for this, you need to pull out of such a relationship.
Continuous Overflow of Negative Emotions
A surge of emotions almost in all the moments could be a sign of a toxic relationship. If you feel sad, anxious, or dejected almost all the time, then something is severely wrong in the relationship. It could affect you very personally. So take action as soon as you get a trigger.
What Can You Do?
Here is a list of things you should do to pull yourself out of a toxic relationship.
Make Yourself Heard
Be loud and clear about your priorities and expectations of the relationship. Do not be the silent lamb that listens, acts, and suffers. If you get a red flag, raise your voice and demand a transformation. Let go of a relationship that does not respect your individuality.
Respect Yourself First
Many people (especially women) lose themselves in the process of making a relationship work. Whether it be a toxic parent, spouse, or a friend, if you feel they are trying to rule your emotions, then they may not be the right people to stay in touch with. Seek help from others or authority to move away from the toxic relationship.
“There is no use getting angry at something that has already happened. All you can do is your best to check it doesn’t happen again.” – Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar
Control your Emotions
The recent 2021 Netflix series "Maid" had a dialogue by the character "Denise" which said that the average domestic violence victim takes seven attempts to finally leave. What does it mean? It means most of us look back at the decision of leaving a toxic relationship and run off to patch it up. It’s crucial to stop any form of communication if you don’t want to fall prey to emotional blackouts or blackmails.
“If you have made it a habit to get frustrated then no one can save you. You will have to get out of it with your own self-effort, and with the help of knowledge. – Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar.
Get Involved In Something You Love To Do
Relationships take a lot from us and toxic relationships a lot more. To pull yourself out of it, you must think about yourself. What activities make you happy? Is it dancing, painting, singing, or philanthropy? Get involved in some projects to divert your attention to your well-being like joining a book club, yoga class, swimming lessons, etc. Build yourself better so that the hurts from the relationship are easier to cope with.
Seek Help
Ask for help from a friend/family member/ a professional if it seems too hard to cope with the separation. Share your feelings and let it all out to get rid of the hurt and negativity within and rebuild your self-worth. This process can help you find the right direction to rebuild goals of independence and achieve them efficiently.
Resort to Writing
Journals are great ways to lose out the anxiety that emanates from a difficult phase of life. Writing helps take away all the emotions ganged up inside and keeps it off in secrecy. It helps calm the brain and allows you to look ahead. A journal improves the overall well-being as optimism overtakes all the hurts and negativity.
Find the Right Company
It is difficult to assess the right company when you have just gotten out of a toxic relationship. Nevertheless do not stay alone during that time if you have people who love you dearly. Seek assistance if necessary or just be with them. When you get to hear the right words from the few caring people you have in life, that’s enough to pull you out of your miseries.
Raise Consciousness
Resort to meditation, yoga, and deep breathing practices to connect to your inner self. Awareness about your feelings is an important step to recovery and even if it takes time, continue the practices to find inner peace.
No Closure is the Best Closure
Stop expecting closure from a toxic relationship. You may not receive the apology you expect or deserve. Learn to accept the fact that there was a bad phase with some people involved in your life who you relied on. And though it is tough at first to move on, trying the above methods can push you to think logically. Give yourself enough time to bring the focus back to yourself and indulge in some self-care.
“Have respect for yourself and no one can take away your self-respect.” – Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar
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