What’s your reaction to these events?
- A person starving at one end of the world, while another makes garlands of currency notes for a party
- A beauty queen winning a competition on the front page of the newspaper while news of miners dying from a cave-in is relegated to the inner pages
- The boss’ daughter getting promoted over you when you are equally, if not more, qualified
- A child being refused education based on his/her background
That’s unfair?!
Did you say that? Are you one of those people who looks for fairness and justice at every corner? Perhaps you think you deserve more than XYZ who isn’t half as good, hard-working, intelligent, or deserving as you are! If you tend to think this way, it is, possibly, causing a dent in your happiness.
Here’s the fact of the matter. Whenever things go contrary to our notions of right and wrong, we think life is unfair. And as long as we keep believing it, we cannot move forward and enjoy the different levels of happiness life has to offer.
So, here are a few ideas that can help us deal with life when it seems unfair:
1. Life is like an iceberg
We only ever see a fraction of life; we don’t see it in its entirety. Just like we see only about one-tenth of an iceberg above water. So, at any time, from whichever angle or direction we view it, it is still not the whole picture. When we don't get access to the whole or universe, as it were, our analysis is skewed or lacking in some way. When we realize this, we will not be in such a hurry to call life unfair. Instead, we will respect that there are some unknown elements acting on us and our surroundings.
2. Life is not linear
We are all programmed to believe life is logical and that events have a clear cause-and-effect relationship. “If you work hard, you will succeed.” This is what we have been taught, so we cannot begin to fathom why burning the midnight oil did not result in an ‘A’ in the exam. Or, why she didn’t reciprocate our love though we catered to her every whim. Or why we were passed up for that promotion that went to that nobody ___!
It would help to shift perspective. i.e. if we focussed more on the process rather than the result. Of course, we live in a world where only results matter, but if we live in that space all the time, we will only harbor negative thoughts. So perhaps it is time to go back to the drawing board and examine our processes and methods again.
What was missing? Hard work? Dedication? Commitment? Once we are satisfied that we did your best, we need to let it go, move on and then try again. Life is just not linear like a simple equation.
The heartening thing to remember is that what is ours will come to us in good time. This sort of thinking will let us live a happier life, where the world does not seem unjust.
3. Avoid comparisons
श्रेयान्स्वधर्मो विगुण: परधर्मात्स्वनुष्ठितात् |
स्वधर्मे निधनं श्रेय: परधर्मो भयावह: ||
It is better to do one’s own dharma imperfectly than to do another’s dharma perfectly.
Happy people think about their own dharma rather than someone else's. At the end of the day, we have to be responsible for our own acts and how we behave, rather than worrying about someone else's behavior. When we look at yourself, and work on what needs to be changed, and not constantly grade and compare, we will not obsess over the fairness or unfairness of things.
4. Remember that you are always on your side…
Even when you think you are being ‘fair’!
Recently, my friend was caught talking over the mobile phone while driving. She tried to pass it off as listening to music but the cop was not impressed. She was probably one of the first to be fined Rs. 5,000, the new penalty for this offense! She couldn’t stop griping over how unfair it was for her to get caught when there were more serious offenders on the road being let off the hook. She didn’t consider the dozen other occasions that the cop didn’t catch her when she was breaking the rules. She didn’t think it was ‘fair’ in her favor at those times.
We are all guilty of believing ourselves fair and the world unfair. It would be good to remember at these times that we are always on our own side, so we are never really objective or neutral in a situation where it is ‘us vs. ____ ‘.
It is important to understand that the world we live in is an extension of our own thoughts and actions. To feel good and happy, we should develop simple and positive thoughts, therein lies life’s satisfaction.
5. Don’t enjoy being the victim
Reactions such as ‘that’s unfair’ puts us in the position of a victim. It might seem fun to attract sympathy at first, but in the long run, it will only make us feel powerless and helpless. Instead, we could try to change what we don’t like. If we can’t change it, we will have to change ourselves to be able to accept and live with what is.
6. Live in the present
Few people feel happier when they think about the past or dream about the future than if they just lived in the present. It is because there is always some element of regret or anxiety associated with these musings. The feeling that life has been unfair always relates to the past. When we let go of the past, we let go of the feeling of injustice as well.
When we live in the present, anything is possible. We are not tied down by what happened before. We have a sense of activity and control, as we have to act and think NOW.
But, how do we live in the present when the mind keeps pulling us backwards and forwards? Meditate. It will not only keep us in the moment but also empty our mind of all the hollow and incessant chatter that fills it. Especially the ones that harp on how unjust the world.
This is not to say that injustice should be borne and accepted. We must do our bit to fight it. However, once we have strived towards it in full earnest, we should believe in the workings of the Divine and surrender to the larger plan it has for us.
The mind has to be calm first. When it is calm and serene, then justice will come, the right thoughts will come, and your ideas will be more creative, productive and positive.
- Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar
That is where meditation can help us. Learn to meditate with the Sahaj Samadhi Meditation.
(With inputs from Dr. Prema Seshadri, Faculty, The Art of Living)
