Part 5 - Having An Open, Neutral Ear
(This is an 8-part series on leadership by Rajita Bagga.)
Dear Readers,
How are you? It’s great to be back with all of you. Hope you have had a chance to internalize, review and sharpen the first 4 qualities of being a truly inspirational leader. Whatever progress you made is good. The leadership journey is a continuous one and every step, every milestone counts. Your feedback and responses continue to encourage me too.
In the last four weeks, we covered the four qualities to be a truly inspirational leader. These are like ‘sutras’ (aphorisms). Even if we can master one of them, the rest follow automatically. How are you measuring up on your own scale of perfection for these four qualities? I believe that our best judge is the mirror we show ourselves.
To recap, the initial 4 qualities are:
3) Own Up
4) Reward and Reprimand - Adequately and in Time
Today, let’s look at the 5th quality of being a truly inspirational leader is “Having An Open, Neutral Ear.”
Being in a leadership position is like being in a judge’s seat. We need to resolve differences, disputes and disagreements. Conflicts within team members are common. Each one will come to you to tell their side of the story. Each side of the story will seem equally true. Equally right. Then how do you resolve the situation? Whose side will you take? What will become your truth? Lasting memories of great leadership folklore are created by how leaders handle such crisis. To be fair, objective and just, how the leader listens is very important. How open is our mind, how keen is our attention and how neutral is our stand? It seems easy when we read about it, but not so easy in practice. Our past memory of a certain interaction with one or both the warring parties can shape our perception. Our intellect can create its own reality before listening to both sides and hence, taint our response with a preconceived notion. Maybe one of the team members is more friendly to us than the other, then how does this personal relationship affect the way we hear the two sides.
In Hindi, there is a saying that a leader should not be ‘kaan ka kachcha’ (weak in the ears). This is so true. If we, as leaders, get easily swayed by one opinion over another, we are not being just in our decisions. The stakes are higher when the matter rises above interpersonal matters and is about matters that affect the community, shareholders, customers and other stakeholders.
A situation happened recently where there was an open disagreement between two senior members of my team. Anger was high on both sides, there was a history of disagreements and there was an obvious lack of trust between them. Both looked at me to be the umpire. Lack of resolution meant work would suffer.
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In such situations I do the following:
a) Listen to both the sides. Without interrupting and judging. Listen until each side has vented their whole story.
b) Give space for pauses, silence. It helps.
c) Ask each party what they would like as a resolution.
d) Most important step: state what you would like as a resolution (the higher your credibility as a leader, the easier it is to get buy in. This also depends on your demonstrated behavior as a leader and how you stack up on some of the other qualities of being an inspirational leader.)
e) Get agreement from both sides.
f) Check on feelings on both sides. (This is important. Sometimes, even if everything went well, but they don’t ‘feel’ right about it, then the whole resolution was to no avail.) Both parties should feel they were respected and empathised with.
g) Spend as much time as needed, till you are satisfied.
I know this is going beyond the point of only hearing neutral. These are logical next steps.
This is time-consuming. It can be draining on your energy. It can set you back on other important tasks, but, such is life. Leadership is time-consuming and emotionally-churning at times. If your intention is pure, your heart clean and your perspective neutral, your team will agree with you. It will build respect for you. You will command authority.
Hope you get a chance to reflect on this aspect of your leadership expression this week.
Here is the Personal Reflection Tool for your use, to help you go deeper in your awareness of whether or not you are living the third quality of truly inspirational leaders.
Daily Personal Reflection Exercise
Remember: “Reflection, Observation and Action Planning is critical to integrating change in our habits. Writing down consolidates and solidifies our experiences. Research shows that writing down improves chances of success substantially.”
A) Do you think this quality is important to be a truly inspirational leader?
If why please do write a few word why you feel so.
B i) Make a list of instances where you feel you, knowingly or unknowingly, did not give an open and neutral ear to your team.
ii) Write down if you remember how you felt in those moments.
iii) Write down what influenced you to behave this way.
iv) What effect did this have on the team/ stakeholders/ people concerned?
v) Did it change your relationship with your team? The respect they had for you? How?
Pause for a moment with your eyes closed.
Internalise this experience.
C) i) List down instances where you did give an open neutral ear to your team.
ii) Write down the emotions / feelings you remember of those instances.
iii) Make a list of what obstacles you overcame within yourself to do this? What new aspect of your personality did your discover?
iv) What effect did this have on the team/ stakeholders/ people concerned?
v) Did it change your relationship with your team? The respect they had for you? How?
Pause for a moment with your eyes closed.
Internalise this experience.
7-day action plan
A) i) For the above where you feel you did not hear neutrally, write down what you can change to ensure that you correct the situation.
ii) Is there something you can change now? Any amends you can make with people affected by your decisions? If yes, then please do it.
(If you did this, heartiest congratulations! You overcame a difficult barrier in changing your behavior patterns!)
B) Identify ways you can enhance consistency in behaviour to ensure you continue to hone this skill of listening to your team objectively and neutrally.
May you inspire yourself and others! Have an inspirational week!
You can leave your feedback and experiences at @RajitaBagga and @ArtofLiving. You can also connect with the writer at rajita.kulkarni@gmail.com.
The writer is President, World Forum For Ethics in Business and Sri Sri University, Orissa (India). She is also a faculty with The Art of Living.
