Do you feel the need to check on your partner every time they make a plan without you?
Do you get the urge to stalk your partner’s social media accounts?
Do you often feel you are giving your all into your relationship without getting anything in return?
If you have answered yes to any of these questions, your relationship is probably insecure.
Relationship insecurity can stem from many causes, such as a troubled past, an obsession, constant rejection, or lack of self-confidence. Even non-reciprocation of love and respect can also be one of the triggers. However, being insecure is not a solution to any of the causes. It is important that you start dealing with the feelings of insecurity and jealousy as they can ruin the relationship forever or cause irreparable damage.
“Relationship depends on how you feel. If you have fear and uncertainty, it affects your relationship.”
~ Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar
9 Steps to Deal with Insecurity Problems
1. Question your conviction
More often than not, your mind convinces you that something is wrong in your relationship and that you must be alert at all times. The overwhelming thoughts might persist and make you do all kinds of crazy things beyond acceptable limits. It could be asking a friend to act as a stranger and check on your partner’s whereabouts, or insisting your partner tag you along in all their events and find out if they have something to hide from you. At such times, question your conviction about why you are feeling the way you are. Self-talk can give a rest to the insecure thoughts and help you deal rationally. There is no way more effective than increasing your self-awareness to overcome relationship insecurity.
“Don’t make an effort to love or insist that someone should love you.”
~ Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar
2. Communicate honestly
One of the key reasons for a happy relationship is having honest communication with your partner. Share how you feel about some people or incidents that are causing insecurity in you. Being open to your partner and revealing your deepest feelings to them will also help you stay honest and be at peace with yourself. Anyway, which relationship has survived without the wrath of vulnerability? Communication helps bridge the gap between the two of you and prevent any insecurity in your relationship.
“An uncommitted mind is miserable. A committed mind may at times experience rough weather but will reap the fruits of its toll.”
~ Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar
3. Be Present in the Present
Trouble in past relationships or inevitable fear for the future of the relationship are not in your control but your present is, and so focus on the present. Think about how you and your partner can evolve in the relationship without playing blame games. To stop relationship insecurity, give more towards the relationship without expecting much in return. Be the confidant of your partner, trust them, enjoy moments with them, compliment them and encourage them to be their best versions.
“Love is preserved by wisdom, destroyed by demand, tested by doubt, nourished by longing. It blossoms with faith and grows with gratitude.”
~ Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar
4. Take charge of your emotions
An overflow of emotions at the drop of a hat(due to relationship insecurity) could cause severe issues in a relationship. Learn to control your feelings and do not always defend your behavior. Let’s say there was an argument with your partner where things turned sour \and you were blamed for something. Maintain your cool even if you feel the urge to defend your stand. Of course, if it happens often, you have to voice out your stance, but do not stoop to the level of losing your mental peace over silly matters. The best way to avoid such instances is to change the topic or get some fresh air. That way, you tend to stop relationship insecurity while also allowing yourself some time and perspective.
“Being centered is Vairagya. Not wanting anything for yourself and being there for others is Vairagya. Vairagya is not a habit. It is an awareness.”
~ Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar
5. Stop Assuming
Avoid assuming things about your partner. When we invest in relationships and emotionally indulge in people, our minds may wander into non-existing territories. For example, assuming that your partner does not love you only because they mentioned something against your work someday. Or, thinking they have found happiness in someone else just because they had a good time with a friend and told you about it. Irrational assumptions not only spoil relationships but also lead to mental health issues like depression and anxiety.
6. Find a hobby
To stay away from relationship insecurity triggers, indulge in something you are passionate about. Read inspirational books, go on a short trip with friends, spend time with family, do something nice for someone, cook a dish, or simply catch up with an old friend. Doing so will help you focus on what you want and build your self-confidence to handle any situation. Writing down your thoughts enables you to deal with relationship insecurity without an emotional breakdown.
7. Seek External Help
Call up a parent or trusted friend to whom you can open your heart. Confide in them your insecurities and get some perspective from an outsider. You can also try reaching out to a therapist and sharing your feelings. Along with another viewpoint, you may get some tested suggestions in dealing with relationship insecurity. In any case, you will feel less burdened than before.
8. Positive Thoughts and Self Love
When you focus too much on a problem, you tend to attract more problems. Fill your mind with positive thoughts and you will attract a lot of positivity around you. Sometimes, lack of self-love becomes a factor in relationship insecurity. Understand and overcome your limiting concerns about your relationship and say no to negative self-talk. Also, being self-dependent for some things greatly help stop relationship insecurity and improves the quotient of love and respect among the partners.
For example: Leaning on your partner to take you to a movie or the salon could stress them out at times where they may stop doing it. This may bring you a range of insecure thoughts in case it happens often. But as you step up and self-rely for your happiness, everything becomes better.
9. Meditate
One of the most effective ways to stop relationship insecurity is to manage the mind. Meditation helps achieve that while also infusing extra energy to feel relaxed and connected with yourself. When you meditate, your mind stops dwelling in thoughts and activates itself. You become conscious of your life and its problems, and dive deeper into yourself to find the answers to your suspicions. Deep Breathing, along with meditation, relaxes you and relieves you of overwhelming thoughts.
“How to change ‘insecurity’ into ‘wow’ factor? ‘With meditation!’ That’s the secret!”
~ Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar
It’s difficult to live with relationship insecurity as it causes hurt and pain and can lead to several mental health issues such as stress, anxiety, and depression. It’s crucial to know what bothers you and give rest to those fears by being in touch with yourself. No one can help you if you can’t help yourself.
Join in our meditation workshop and learn ways to manage your mind. Research also suggests that Sudarshan Kriya and meditation help you relieve stress, depression and other mental health issues.
