How can you overcome fear in life? My five-year-old self taught me how.
My mom and my five-year-old self had an evening ritual. She would push me out of my safe sanctuary at home in a highly ambitious pursuit of getting me to make friends. And I would shrivel up, sometimes returning on my own from the park where she left me with others, and sometimes hiding under the staircase of my building. This continued till my later years when we shifted to a new city. Until one day, a kind girl, two years my senior, found me hiding under the staircase.
‘Hi,’ she greeted with a smile.
And I was surprised. Was she trying to talk to me?
‘Are you new to this building?’
I nodded.
‘Why don’t you come home? I have a sister nearly your age.’
‘Ok. I will just ask my mother,’ I murmured.
When my mom saw me with my new could-be-friend, she was overjoyed. She readily agreed. And as I entered this kind stranger’s house and sat with her and her sister who were bantering and painting, she no longer felt like the stranger I was too scared to talk to or even show myself to just some time ago. The two sisters soon became my second home in that new building in that new city for a long time.
All of us have encountered new buildings in new cities: the metaphorical ones in situations, people, and sometimes our own minds throughout our life. We have found fear and we have seen it change into courage, comfort, and in some instances, serendipity too.
Once looked in the eye, your fear can be the beginning of something new and wonderful. It could be an unexpected friendship, a career prospect, the discovery of a new skill or a realization. The possibilities are endless. The question is if you want to make something wonderful happen for you. The following process can help.
Write down your fear list
While a bucket list is for reaching the stars, a fear list can ensure you complete your bucket list.
List down your fears. Be a master detective, aware of its coming and going. Does it appear out of the blue in the cabin of your boss? Are you scared of failure? Or of being judged? It could be a multitude of situations and people. Avoid suppressing or judging your fears. Instead, recognize and accept.
Be willing to go through it
We usually avoid situations and people that invoke fear in us. While in some cases, this fear keeps us safe, in others, it keeps us away from our true potential. For instance, the fear of others during my childhood kept me away from the fun and friendships that children my age enjoyed.
Scroll through your fear list. Are there situations and people that put you in a fear zone? Resolve not to avoid these situations and people anymore. Be willing to go through the fear that comes with pursuing that dream project, telling your manager about that unconventional idea, and asking your crush out on a date.
Observe to dissolve
So, you are willing to go through the discomfort fear brings in your life. Great! Now, how about seizing the power to turn it around?!
Every emotion has a sensation in the body. Observing the sensation dissolves the emotion and sensation.
So next time, your listed and unlisted fears knock on your door, resolve to be aware of the feeling and the sensation it brings in your body. Fear brings tightness in the chest. As you observe it and be with it 100 percent, fear and the body's sensation will begin to dissolve.
Raise your awareness
However, observing your fears is not always as easy as it sounds. Fear strikes when you are least aware and are highly vulnerable. Yet, with practices like meditation and pranayama, you can increase your awareness and prana (the life force in you) level. When that happens, the strength of your fears reduces and you are able to watch them slip away with more ease.
Have faith
It is also okay if you are not able to observe the fear. Have faith in a higher power - call it the universe, God, or your inner self. Have faith that that power is taking care of you. Your faith will help dissolve your fears.
Understand the fear of rejection
Our fear of rejection and people stems from our ego. Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar explains:
“Ego creates this fear in you – what will others think about me? Are they respecting me or not? Ego gives importance to someone else’s thoughts, which are, anyway, momentary.”
Gurudev suggests an antidote.
“Ego cannot sustain or survive when naturalness takes over, and when you feel at home with everybody.”
How can Sudarshan Kriya help?
Studies show that the practice of the Sudarshan Kriya breathing technique produces oxytocin, the hormone that promotes the feeling of trust, empathy, and cooperation. With trust comes the feeling of being at home with those around us. And with that, ego - the harbinger of fear is no longer as strong.
Understand the fear of losing
Many of our fears including losing control, fearing the future, and losing loved ones arise from our deep desire to hold on. Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar explains:
“Fear is clinging on, holding on, not letting go. But is there anything that you can hold on to? One day you have to bid goodbye to everything. Absolutely everything, including your own body, you will have to say goodbye.”
However, when you see that everything is changing in this world, a positive shift happens. Gurudev explains:
“Everything is changing around you so fast. Even if you want, you can’t hold on to anything. Things come and things go. People come and people go. Their moods change, and emotions change. Their way of behaving with you changes. Everything changes. See the impermanence of all things, everything around you. The whole world is changing. Then also, you gain strength. Then also, fear disappears.”
Find courage by reaching out to others
Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar says that as we make ourselves available to the world, the fear in our lives reduces. Even studies show that altruism is linked with fearlessness. It is no wonder then that those working for the welfare of others seldom fear the enemy or unfavorable situations. Take the example of our freedom fighters. They fought colonial rule with little or no fear. Back in our times, so many volunteers dropped fear of their personal safety and comfort and reached out to those in need during Covid times.
Experience this firsthand by reaching out to those in need. Include a regular service hour in your day where you get to help people without the possibility of reciprocity.
As long as we live, new learnings and opportunities will pop up in our lives in the guise of fear. So, make the above steps a part of your life. Hoping you find the lion/lioness in you whenever you need to!
Based on knowledge sheets of Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar and inputs by Dr. Prema Seshadri, Faculty, The Art of Living
Written by: Vanditaa Kothari
